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Here I am, yet again. Laying on the dirty wooden floor, blood stains and the stench of alcohol consuming the room. I got a B. How could I let myself get a B? I'm better than that. So much better than that. And now I'm here. Beaten to a bloody pulp, unable to get up due to exhaustion and weakness. I stare at the ceiling that looks like it was falling apart. Paint was peeling, termite nests were making their show. There were a few spiderwebs, but I didn't mind. Sometimes when I felt lonely, I'd talk to them. They listened more than anyone else had.

Once I willed the little energy I had, I sat up, my back aching in pain as I could feel lashes reopening and my stiff muscles cramping. I let out a light groan before fully standing up. I quickly grab a random pair of sweatpants and a hoodie and made my way to the bathroom across the hall. I knew my mother wouldn't be an issue since she had already taken her frustration out and I could hear the TV playing loudly from the living room as a glass (presumedly beer or wine) hits the coffee table.

I lock the door quickly and turn on the vent before I catch a glimpse of myself in the cracked mirror. My spiky blond hair is crusted with dried blood and my cheek has a gnarly bruise that reached all the way to my ear. I pressed it lightly, wincing at the pain.

You deserve it.

I sigh at the voice in my head. It never left, only once. I had snuck out to a party, huge mistake. Hanta Sero, the only person who I'd remotely consider a friend, whom I've known since he transferred from Mexico during primary school, told me to meet him at an address he scribbled on a torn piece of paper from the corner of his notes. I did my best to navigate, given I didn't have a phone at the time since my mother didn't trust me with one. Once I made it, Sero introduced me to his cousin, who looked like he was high off his ass, and some of his other friends. It took me a while to feel comfortable, but after a while, I began to talk more instead of just staring while sitting on the couch and observing the dancing teens that slowly grew in size as the night went on.

It reeked of alcohol and weed, reminding me of my mother who would certainly be pissed if she caught me sneaking back in. Suddenly, Sero's cousin walks up to me with a sluggish smile and slumps next to me. "You look tense," he says with an overly relaxed and slow voice, a thick accent making it almost hard to understand his choppy Japanese. "I'm fine," I snarl out. I hear him chuckle before handing me a tray that had three white powdery lines and a small straw. I look at him confused, before he nods and clears his throat. "It's easy, man. Just put the straw up your nose and sniff it up. You'll feel better in no time," he explains. I pick up the straw and draw in a shaky breath before sniffing up the powder. My nose burns but almost instantly, I feel lightheaded and my mind goes silent. He smirks at me before snorting up a line and handing me the tray to do the last one. I quickly snort it up, feeling dizzy and giddy. "Thanks," I mutter with a heavy slur. He chuckled and takes his leave, leaving me alone and high out of my mind for the first time ever.

I stood up and wondered the house that was blasting loud music with horny, drunken and high teenagers dancing and grinding amongst each other. The bright lights hurt my eyes as I shoved past teens. My eyes locked on the person I was looking for, Sero, who was waving his hips around, holding a beer bottle up and dancing to the Latino music that had started playing. I feel a smile creep on my face as I walked up to him. "Yo, you good?" Sero asks, observing the strange occurrence of me feeling happy. I nod my head slowly and he laughs. "Dude you're high as shit!" He yells out. I let out a 'pshhh', trying to brush it off but he continued to tease me.

Needless to say, it was the first time I've ever felt happy, ever enjoyed being alive. I have longed for that feeling since, unknowing of how to even afford buying the drugs I'd need from Sero's cousin. When I came back home from the party at four in the morning, I had woken up my mother who was knocked out on the couch. Being high, I didn't realize my noise level and it caused my mother to be full of wrath. It was one of my worst beatings yet. I haven't snuck out ever since, it being almost a year since that happened. Me and Sero were in 7th grade (now in 8th), so the only reason we were at that stupid party was because of his cousin who invited us.

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