The Theory Of Knowledge (And How To Lose All Your Friends)

Chapter 2: My Kamikaze Pilot

The unmistakably smug expression upon Jayden's face combined with hearing his name once again transported y/n back to a cacophony of bitter memories from Bucklands Beach.

The Year 7 lifestyle was drastically different from the Year 12 IB one. There was no need to lug a weighty backpack across an unnecessarily large campus, no formal uniform, $1.50 garlic bread...

But in regards to the social situation of Bucklands Beach Intermediate, y/n was at their loneliest. The erratic, flummoxing nature of their persona was a deterrent to many - y/n was too shy for parties and too weird for small talk. To put it simply, friendships were far from a reality for them. That was until Jayden came along.

The similarities between his oversaturated, egotistical personality and y/n's strange, volatile flamboyancy meant that from the moment Jayden sat down next to them on Market Day and asked if they had any spare change, y/n had a companion to accompany them within the social void which surrounded them - for Jayden, too, suffered from the same issues as them.

"Things aren't as good as they were in Year 6." He'd said to y/n on one day behind the climbing wall on the playground. "My friends got other friends and I didn't want to move on. My obsession with them just meant that they wanted to get away from me even more."

"Were you good at making friends in Year 6?"

"Nah, my parents picked out a group of kids they found would be good for me. They were, or at least for a while. People move on from other people. I just didn't change like everyone else did. I was never good at making friends with other kids at school."

Y/n knew that Jayden wanted to know more about their own school life but didn't want to embarrass himself by asking personal questions. It was a situation that y/n knew all too well.

"Back in Mellon's Bay I didn't need friends, because back then you didn't need to know a million people to have a purpose in life. Life was so much simpler back then I guess," they replied.

"That's what I'm trying to say!" Jayden exclaimed in an uncharacteristically enthusiastic voice. Y/n knew that they shared the same feelings, which was ultimately what brought the two closer together.

⁂

But those days were long gone, y/n knew. The Jayden they say before them had the same gutsy spunk, but the coldness in his eyes... the same coldness which had impaled them deep to the core in Year 8, inching itself deeper into their being until they felt like nothing - the same way they had felt before the two had met. Y/n recalled that frosty winter evening in the pouring rain outside the bus stop - that moment was when they realized that the Jayden that they had grown to love and trust with their entire existence had been consumed by a shadowy flame of rage and hatred; a kamikaze pilot that had careened out of control and taken her sense of worth with it. Looking at him now, y/n's heartstrings began to flutter uncontrollably like the vibrations of the dissonant tuning of an orchestral string section.

⁂

"Go ahead, tell them you're sorry!" A boy wearing a green backpack had suddenly addressed Jayden. Y/n just realized that they had forgotten about their current situation.

"Shut up, Jax," the boy with the grey backpack retorted.

"Aight, calm down, Mike," Jayden said, putting his hand on his shoulder as if to pull him backward. He then turned to face y/n, with a half-serious expression before hanging his head down and uttering, "sorry."

Immediately after he had said that, however, he took a second glance at y/n - the same expression of recognition washed across his face, and before he could say anything, the bell rang. After about 15 seconds of a deafening ring, the whole room had just about cleared out. As y/n was walking out the door, they heard Jayden call out to them from behind.

"Things haven't been the same since BBI, huh?"

Y/n said nothing in return.

"Why'd you come here? I thought Mac' was doing pretty well... with Cambridge and everything."

"It wasn't because of that." Y/n mumbled halfheartedly, barely audible over the falling rain.

"Was is the facilities... maybe the teachers?" Jayden suggested, before that old, unforgettable smug look appeared again. "...or was it because of me?"

"Hey, I didn't even know you went here!" Y/n sharply responded. "If I did, maybe I wouldn't be here now!"

"I wish I wasn't here right now. The Macleans life seems so much less... dystopian."

"What are you talking about?"

"You don't have this whole IB thing - or TOK for that matter."

"Yeah I know what those are. I don't really care."

"How long have you been here?"

"About half a term."

"Then you probably don't know how deep the rabbit hole goes."