My other side

10

I kneel there for a while, trying to calm down. It was impossible. I was just about to kill someone! How can I be calm?

,,I'm sorry, Leo." I say again and stand up.

It's time to clean the stable now. I try to smile and get to work in a good mood. Leo wants this. And I like horses. So I'm also doing them a favor. I just have to be positive.

When I am done, I'm supposed to get my lunch. I never really pay attention to food here and sometimes I even go a few days without eating.

The maids who live in the house eat the leftovers from the family. I eat the leftovers from the maids. They are usually very hungry too, so all I mostly get is some bread crust or little pieces of fruit. If I am really lucky, there are bones that have a little bit of meat left on them. That only happened twice in my lifetime.

I haven't eaten in a pretty long time, so I go to the other side of the house, where there's probably the window to the kitchen. I knock on it and an old maid looks out.

,,Hello. I came for the leftovers."

,,That's sweet, Zsofia, but there aren't any leftovers."

,,How's that possible? I wasn't here for days. There should be some leftovers left."

,,Well, uhm... the other family was here. And we barely had enough leftovers for ourselves."

,,But before that?"

The maid doesn't say anything. She just looks hurt.

How is this possible? I didn't eat for days, just so I could have more food the day I finally eat. This is the first time I really feel my hunger. And it isn't the best feeling.

,,If you're so hungry, you can eat that." she smiles and looks next to me on the ground. There is a dead rat that I haven't noticed before.

,,Are you serious right now?!" I yell and the maid quickly closes the window.

I kick the dead rat away. I would rather starve than eat that. Does she really see me as someone who would eat a dead rat? Not even Leo would do that. And Leo would do a lot of things to just survive and keep serving Vincent.

I take a deep breath. It's not her fault after all. I'll come back in the evening.

I sit down and try to rest a little. It's weird how I only feel my hunger now and I didn't mind it before. After resting, I get up and prepare some food and water for the horses that they'll get to eat once they get inside.

I wait a little, then close the horses into the stable.

I sit down. I feel like I'm about to fall, so it's the best idea to sit down and wait until the family has dinner.

Just the thought of them eating things I never even saw makes me sick. And hungry. Why do they get to have it and all I get is a dead rat? Also that maid just assumed I would eat a dead rat. No matter how hungry I am, I would never do that.

I sit for a while, then when I assume the family has already finished dinner, I go to the kitchen window and knock on it. The old maid opens again.

,,I'm sorry. We don't have any food."

My whole world shatters. What will I do now? I went days without food already going more will just make me weaker.

,,What do you mean? Dinner was just now. Are you sure there's nothing left?"

,,I'm sorry, Zsofia." she says in a sad tone and leaves.

I lean against the wall and hold my stomach. I'm hungry. But it looks like it'll have to be like this. I'll come in the morning and ask if there's anything left of their breakfast.

I go to the house and lay down. My stomach hurts, but there's nothing I can do. I'll hopefully get some food soon.

I wake up with a headache, before the sun is out. How am I supposed to work now? I have some trouble standing up, then I go and give horses some food and water. Carrying the buckets of water is really hard. But I have no choice, just to do it.

After the horses are fed, I sit down for a minute to gather my strength, then go to the kitchen window and knock on it again. The old maid looks out as always.

,,Is there any food?"

The old made gives me a sad look ,,No. I'm sorry. Maybe I could put food outside the window when we have some? It would be easier and you wouldn't have to knock on the window so often." she tries to smile.

I'm trying to be polite with the maids. They have obviously nothing to do with it. They're hungry. Like everyone else.

But I just can't believe they wouldn't leave something for me even on purpose. They see how hungry I am.

,,What do you mean you don't have any food?! The Gorthams make you cook so much that the food could feed eight families. There is obviously a lot left. And you decide to eat it all and not give anything to the stable girl who hasn't eaten in days!"

The maid gives me a sad look and closes the window.

A tear rolls down my cheek and I drop to my knees. How? How can they be so selfish?

I hear a knock on the window and a young maid, who looks barely older than me, looks out.

,,I feel like you deserve to know what's going on. Lord Vincent told us that we have to eat everything so that there's nothing left for you. We also cannot give you food. If there are leftovers from us by any chance, they get taken away, no one knows where. They probably get burned."

She was waiting for my reaction, while I just felt numb. What did I expect from Vincent? He's starving me to death now?

I quickly turn around and walk away.

I get to the stable again, to let the horses out. Then, everything just sinks in.

Vincent is trying to starve me to death. Because I didn't stop meeting Wiliam when he told me to. I start to shake. I guess it's hunger and anger at the same time. I pull my hair and drop down on my knees.

,,Who will take care of your horses when I'm dead, huh?!" I yell and throw a rock I find into the house.

,,You're a monster." I say, a little quieter.

I clench my fists and push back all of my emotions. At the end of the day, I didn't stop meeting Wiliam when he told me to. I'm the one to blame for this.

But it shouldn't be any of Vincent's business who Wiliam is friends with.

,,You did this, Zsofia." it's Leo.

,,I did not! Vincent is trying to starve me. It shouldn't be my fault."

,,You brought this upon yourself. If you followed his orders, everything would've been good. But you chose to break the rules. We have to do everything to survive."

,,You're crazy! Do you know that? You're not well. Someone is trying to starve me and you're saying it's my fault?!" I yell at him, but then I regret my words.

He's right. If I just stuck to what Vincent said and stopped meeting Wiliam, everything would be different.

I hug my knees and my eyes start to tear up again ,,I'm hungry."

Leo sighs ,,I know."