A Marvel Fan's Journal

So i messed around with an Incorrect Quote Generator...

Rhodey : When's the last time you slept?
Tony: Uh... a few days ago, I think.
Rhodey : A few- how many?!
Tony: Uh... *starts counting on fingers* I need more fingers...
Rhodey : What you need is sleep!
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*the Squad cleaning up*
Steve: Pick up the nearest piece of trash and throw it away.
Sam, to Bucky: Alright, which bin do you wanna go in—
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Scott: Question. When they shot Bambi's mother, did you find that a sad moment...at all?
Rhodey : I'm sure she's mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere.
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Thor: Even Carol and I have been getting closer. The other day, they gave me half of their sandwich.
Carol: I mistook them for a garbage can.
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Tony, spraying a melted cutting board with a tiny water gun: We gotta cool this bitch down. Cool it down.
Steve: I actually just put the cutting board in the oven...
Thor, visibly confused: Okay, so they decided to put the cutting board in the oven?
Tony, spraying Steve: You FUCKING DUMBASS!
Steve: Dude, I forgot-
Tony: OH MY FUCKING GOD! We're trying to make Chicken Alfredo right now, and you fucking MELT the cutting board in the oven at 400 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT!?
Clint: *Watching in complete confusion while trying to process this whole situation.*
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Clint: sSSSHIT- I BURNT MY LIP-
Natasha: ...Why the fuck would you even drink coffee with a METAL STRAW in the FIRST PLACE??
Clint: BECAUSE WE WERE OUT OF THE PLASTIC ONES!
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*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’*
Rocket: Thanks fam!
Carol: Oh no.
Scott: *cries* I love you too.
Steve: Sounds fake, but okay.
Bruce : *A flustered mess*
Natasha: Can I get a refund?
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Sam: Bucky, I sense hostility.
Bucky: Good, because I hate you.
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Steve, seeing a banana on the car seat: What the FUCK??
Steve, buckling the banana up: Fucking buckle UP, it’s the LAW!
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Tony: I wanna sleep for 40 hours.
Steve: You know that's called a coma, right?
Tony:
Tony: That sounds so refreshing, I could totally go for a light coma right now.
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Steve: In your opinion, what is the height of stupidity?
Bucky, turning to Sam: How tall are you?
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Clint: Let me copy your homework.
Natasha: I was gonna copy yours.
Clint: Well, shit.
Natasha: Guess I'm not doing it.
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Carol: What are your three best qualities?
Steve: I’m hot, I have soft hair, and sometimes I cry because I love my friends.
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Bucky: I should've left you on that street corner where you were standing.
Sam: But ya' didn't!
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Bucky: If I fall down these stairs, I'm just going to lay down and accept my fate.
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Natasha: I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me.
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Sam: I feel so burnt out.
Bucky: Don’t worry, it'll be over soon.
Sam: Are you gonna... assassinate me?
Bucky: Well not if you’re expecting it.
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Bucky: You can take away my rights, but can you take away my lefts?
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Sam: What’s the status up here?
Bucky: Fucked up, about to die, Steve’s a nerd. The usual.
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Tony: My only talent is being stress.
Carol: Don't you mean stressed?
Tony: No.
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Scott: I am a responsible adult!
Steve: *raises brow*
Scott: I am an adult.
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Sam: Do you have a self-care routine?
Bucky: "Keep going bitch" said to myself in different accents.
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Sam: Are you busy?
Bucky: Yes.
Sam: Cool, listen to this...
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Clint: If we’re in trouble, just throw Natasha at the problem, and hope for the best.
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Bucky: I won a new phone in a race.
Sam: Huh? What kind of race lets you win a phone, Bucky?
Bucky: A race between the store owner, the cop, and me.
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Sam: My head hurts.
Bucky: That’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.
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Tony: I made tea.
Natasha: I don't want tea.
Tony: I didn't make you tea. This is my tea.
Natasha: Then why did you tell me?
Tony: It's a conversation starter.
Natasha: It's a horrible conversation starter.
Tony: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.
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Sam: I'm going to ask you to be respectful.
Bucky: I will politely decline.
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Bucky: I’d like to live through a week that’s not a whole new verse of “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”
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Clint: It's not like I try to blow things up, exactly. It just sort of happens. You've got to admit though, fire is fascinating.
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Bucky: I’m totally useless.
Sam: You’re not totally useless.
Sam: You can be used as a bad example.
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Bucky: I drink to forget but I always remember.
Sam: You're drinking orange juice.
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Natasha: Would you take a bullet for me?
Steve: ...yes?
*Tony angrily burst into the room*
Natasha: *running away* Great, thanks!
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Clint: Who the fuck-
Steve: Language!
Clint: Whom the fuck-
Steve: No.
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Thor: You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol. You treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol.
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Clint: Are you this rude to everyone?!
Natasha: Yup.
Natasha: Don't think you're special.
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Bucky, grinning: I have a knife!
Sam: Put it down, Bucky.
Bucky: Make me! *sprints away*
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Clint: So, are you two friends?
Rhodey : Yes.
Tony: No.
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Natasha, staring lovingly at Clint: I would die for you.
Clint, doing their own thing: Then perish.