Five Weeks in the Amazon - #true #story

Chapter 17 - Fireworks

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 15

10:30am, my tambo

Sometimes it seems like my body is nervous. Other times like my mind is anxious. Either way, I didn't sleep past 6 AM. The reason I love the mornings is because they're all mine. It is the best time of day. No one is else is awake, not even the sun has risen, and in the early morning I can be alone without being lonely. 

After the sun climbed out of the jungle, I walked barefoot down to the small watering hole. Sitting on the semi-submerged wooden platform, the sun was warm on my back. I hung my legs in the water, and leaned back on my hands. Sitting there, I became absorbed in the tranquility of another beautiful morning. 

The water felt clean and refreshing in the hot morning sun. Small tadpoles and tiny fish sent ripples across the water when they touched its surface. I haven't gone all the way into the murky water yet because I'm a little scared of what might be in there. I filled a small plastic bucket and dumped it over my head like a waterfall instead, so I could check and see if the water had any leeches, bugs, or snakes before I poured it on me.

Seeing tiny fish swimming around made me think. How the hell do they get here in the middle of the jungle? I wondered. The tiny stream seemed cut off from any substantial body of water. Did they get carried here by birds and dropped from above? Did they burrow from the river through the mud of the jungle?

Across from the watering hole, sunlight streaked through a leafy tree next to Joshua's Tambo. I could hear the soft notes from his Ukulele. The sound jumped back and forth across the property with humorous and light tones which reminded me of Joshua himself.

His form was visible as he hung in his hammock, cocooned like an insect. I decided to let him have his morning metamorphosis without intruding. Lying in a hammock looked like a good idea so I walked back to my tambo and did the same. 

Before climbing in, I put everything I might need within arms' reach—my book, my journal, a joint, a pen, a lighter, my cigarettes, and of course, my portable speaker. If Joshua and Otillia hear my music, I hope they like it. 

I was just visited by Juliana, who brought me a small shot of Chiri Sonango. It is an understated medicine, but I continue to feel better, and it's what the doctor prescribes. Otillia told me it's important that I use this medicine to repair my nervous system so my soul can be more open.

Writing in my notebook right now, I can feel my lips beginning to go numb and the minor muscle groups in my limbs are starting to twitch. My mind is clear, but on a physical level, a cellular level, something is happening. 

Last night I invited Joshua, Otillia, Juliana, and the dos hombres to come watch my fireworks show. Next to where we eat there is a big clearing between Otillia's house and where Nino and I made Ayahuasca. I led them to a bench I had placed under a pear tree to watch the show.

I set the fireworks in a specific order, lit them all in succession, and it was an explosive few moments of fire and sparks. Everyone clapped and shouted at the bright mortars when they burst in the air and the loud explosions made them jump in their seats. For those few moments, I couldn't have been happier. The sky was clear and behind the explosions was a star-packed backdrop. Fireworks are the best. 

If I assess how I feel there's no doubt I'm happier than when I got here. I feel connected to the healing process, and I'm grateful for everyone who's been open and welcoming to me. Before I got here, I didn't realize the extent my personal history still affected me. 

I have lived hard, and I'm not as young as I used to be. Years of abuse have worn me down. I am healing some of these ancient wounds and I'm happier than I have been in a long time. 

I feel lighter and I don't have any feelings of loneliness. I've been spending a lot of time alone, but I'm not lonely. 

So far, though, Ayahuasca hasn't taught me anything that's been beyond my reach. There have been no illuminating answers, no messages from god: just the opportunity to learn who I am.