GREY | POETRY COLLECTION |

Man Child

( This is not a poem. I was not able to write a poem. I wanted to clarify my thoughts so here it is. It's lengthy .)

I read an article about man child on Pinterest. This was something I could not figure out earlier. Something that I learned the hard way.

Self value is extremely important for each and every human being. How we value ourselves is what this world sees.

We can see some people's heart and we know, their life can be changed if they change small things in their life. Their self value can increase if they do things in this or that way.

I wanted to change someone into a better version of themselves. But the fact is that not everyone is ready for change. I was selfish. I was actually trying to make someone the person that I deserve. Read that again. And once again.

This is the peak of being selfish, that I believed was good for me as well as the other person. But life isn't like that. No one ever likes to be molded into someone. Everyone molds themselves. Every one is different.

I wanted this one person to be in my life, cause I loved them. But I wanted them to be according to my own expectations, values. This made me question if I was really in love or is it just attachment.

I STILL DON'T KNOW.

I liked someone. I fell in love with them. Then I was forced to not love them. Then I tried not to love them. Tried to hate them. I got tired. I accepted the fact that I can't unlove them. But during this period, I realized my own value, desires, choices. I found myself.

When I found myself, I expected someone that I loved to be someone worth fighting for. If for being together with someone you love is only possible by fighting the ones who love you, you need to be sure that that someone really deserves you.

Deserves you.

During this process, I gained the confidence to fight for myself, for my needs, for my welfare. I was ready, and wanted to fight for that someone cause I loved them, the man child.

I told my expectations, visions, clearly. One of them, was breaking up with them. Because I knew that this is the time to improve myself. I'm not ready or willing to spend my time on someone else cause I have my own life to build. If I didn't do that, I would have drowned in love. I wanted to be in reality. To see the truth which I wasn't able to when I was in love. Love made me blind.

Another one, I wanted a rebound after a specific amount of time that I believe would give drastic changes in my personal life. Time changes people. I believe in that. There are chances that in a few year I may not be the same person with same questions and wants. I may find someone better, or become better, or that someone will.

What I've learned so far, is, stop trying to change people according to you just to make them fit in your life. If you do so, this means they actually don't fit in your life.  Forcing someone to fit in your life by staying or leaving or even blackmailing them will only tear you apart.

Similarly, if someone leaves you, even when they did love you completely, there must be something that was more important than the love for you. And true love, if not together, will still be alive.

Being in love, living together in this world, loving and living with them together in this world are totally different.

You can't stop yourself from being in love.

You can live together with or without love.

You can live together, with love.

Or you can just love.

I accept that I love them but, I also accept that I don't want to live with them. Living with someone for your whole life requires many more things than just love. It needs sincerity, adjustment, compromises, courage, responsibility, ACCOUNTABILITY.

ACCOUNTABILITY is where a man and a man child differ. Or a man and a boy. When someone is ready to accept their flaws, correct them and improve themselves, they are mature and accountable. To be responsible for their own actions is what a man is. And a woman too.

A man child has nothing to do with all of this. They still are blind in love.

" Love is like cheese for pizza. It is necessary for a pizza to be a pizza. But only having cheese will not be as good as pizza. You need the crust to hold the cheese and all the veggies and toppings. The crust is your self worth. The toppings give flavour to pizza, just like the small things that make your life beautiful. "  
                                    - Sree

This is my quote. This was my pov of life. I wrote it down to actually know what I feel. I couldnt write it into poems. But whoever read it, please share your opinions too.