Clandestine

Clandestine feelings

Should he?

Should he not?

Was it wrong?

Was he breaching trust?

Again?

Chuuya managed to make it to Ranpo's and Yosano's shared apartment in around ten minutes and was now spending the next five minutes pacing around at the front door like an idiot. On the one hand he wanted to know the truth but was scared that he was going pushing Dazai's trust (which he only gained back less than twenty minutes ago). He was also scared about what he would if it was true.

He couldn't break Dazai's, and in the process, his own heart again and say he didn't want to be freinds, that just felt like too much. But if he and Dazai were going to be friends in the way they used to again then Dazai -if he was truly in love- was just going to keep falling harder and harder for him.

But then he could also prevent that; encourage Dazai to see other people, it would hurt Chuuya, he knew that. But the thought of hurting Dazai was vastly more painful than hurting himself. And he'd hurt Dazai too much already.

He just wanted what was best for them both, he wanted Dazai to be happy, to smile, to be by his side and he, himself, wanted to be happy and smile. But he wouldn't believe that the only way to do that was to be in a relationship with Dazai. Though... if he thought about it, if he did get into a relationship with Dazai he would probably scream from the rooftops with how elated he would feel.

But that was fantasy, not reality.

In the end he decided he couldn't back down now, he was here, Dazai had said what he said, even if he thought Chuuya hadn't heard. And Chuuya was just clearing up all the miscommunication, even if it was by not talking to Dazai directly.

Maybe he'd heard him wrong and he was stressing over nothing, they'd had miscommunication problems before after all.

For now, all he had to do was knock on the door and wait patiently. From the other side he could hear muffled voices and then the door keys being fiddled with in the keyhole. Nervously, Chuuya brought his hand up to fiddle with the ends of his hair, taking deep breaths when he felt his abnormal breathing return.

The door opened and Yosano stood there, clad in pyjama bottoms and a big knitted green jumper, her bangs pushed up by a green headband, she raised an eyebrow at him, "What are you doing here?" She asked, not cold or dismissive but surprised. Chuuya had not once come here before, in spite of the many invites.

"It's Chuuya," Ranpo called out from the back, he didn't even need to turn around, somehow he already knew.

Yosano frowned, clealry irritated, "yes, I can see that Ranpo," she called back and then turned to look at Chuuya again "I'm guessing you're here to speak to him?"

Chuuya lowered his hand and looked down with shrug, "whoever wants to listen, or whoever has answers."

"Stop questioning him Yo-yo, just let him in!" Yosano glared in his direction and let Chuuya in with a grumble about how irritating Ranpo behaved when he knew somehting she didn't.

The apartment was very them, it was cozy and warm, the furniture was a deep spruce colour, complimented by smaller decorative items scattered around, there was some colour but not too much for it to feel overwhelming. There were things scattered around, sweets in a jar, a book scattered here and there, there were ties and blazers thrown on the back of chairs or on a table. Chuuya thought it was more Ranpo's style than Yosano's but then again Yosano had always fluctuated with her style.

When Chuuya walked in, Ranpo was sat on the couch, feet, with bunny slippers he probably got from Kyouka perched on the living room table, he pointed for Chuuya to sit, smiling at him. Hesitantly, Chuuya sat on the beanbag across from him, shoving his hands in his pockets bashfully.