When Lions And Snakes Play Together: A Cautionary (But Funny)Tale

o.n.e: In The Wrong Bed!

Now, I know what you're thinking: "why, oh why are you starting off with this title of being in the wrong bed? Isn't that a super spoiler, Hermione?" Well, you would be right, I guess, but the journey to said wrong bed is quite the journey in and of itself, and in retrospect is very funny. But on to my story...

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The Day After The Bachelorette Party...

My head was pounding from all the alcohol, and fae dust I had smoked the night before. My eyes were blurry as I tried to sit up in a very plush bed, far more comfortable than the one in my suite; only I felt myself being pinned down..on both sides. I shifted my weight, and from behind I saw very blonde hair fall over a Dark Mark tattooed arm that was holding my waist just below my very naked breasts. In front of me sleeping very peacefully, I might add, was Severus Snape. Yep, you heard that right folks, a teacher of mine, and the dad of one of my new snake friends is in bed with me naked.

I moved again, and Severus's black eyes fluttered open, and he yawned, "Oh, good morning, witch."

"Good morning. Good morning??" I nearly screamed, which predictably woke up Lucius Malfoy. "Is that ALL you have to say to me? What about the fact that I'm naked, and so are the both of you??"

Lucius yawned, stretching almost like a cat, revealing that just like my damn teacher they had unbelievably drool worthy bodies. "Cherie, calm down. You'll wake the other boys, and have them find you here when we agreed that our villa was not to be a co-Ed sleeping arrangement."

I felt oddly sore between my legs, and somewhat in my butt as well. I tried to calm my breathing down, but Lucius was smoothing back my hair from my face, and soothing me, "There now, shhh," He kissed my forehead, which made my pulse jump a bit. Severus was walking about the room unfazed by the fact that he was nude as the day he was born, and my eyes couldn't help but be drawn to his perfect ass, and...yep, I didn't have a ruler on me, but even soft, his dick was an appealing size.

He found his black clothing duffel, and unzipped it. He hunted around a bit for what he wanted, and found two potion vials. He walked back to the bed, and sat down beside me. He handed me the vial of Calming Draught, and a Sober Up potion.

"I won't have you be a hysterical mess. Drink them both. With the second one, you will be a bit nauseous, but it will purge you of the drugs still in your system."

He moved, and yet again, noticed he was naked. "Oh my God, could you two like put some clothes on?! I don't even want to think about the reason as to why we're all nudists here."

Lucius laughed. "From what I remember from last night, you weren't complaining about what we did while nude, Cherie."

"Would you stop calling me dearest?? Aren't you married?!"

Lucius shrugged, getting up off the bed, giving me more eye candy than I needed to see. Mmhm, do stop staring at the deatheater that held you in bed all night. Stop it! He shocked me then by giving me a quick kiss on the lips.

"I will be in my bathroom getting a shower if you need me, Cherie. You can join me if you wish, I certainly won't mind."

I was left alone with Severus, and dutifully, I drank the potions. Immediately after drinking the Sober Up potion, I rushed to where I could see the suite bathroom and barely made it to the toilet in time. I puked up my guts and felt Severus lift up my hair from my face. I wiped at my lips with some toilet paper, and he asked, "Can you stand?"

I nodded. "I should go shower in my suite."

"Do you really want your friends to see you come back to the suite in only a bathrobe? You're showering with me."

"Fine. But no funny business."

"As opposed to what we engaged in last night?"

"This is a prank..I-ow.. Oh my. Yep, that's soreness there. Please tell me we didn't.. you know.."

His smirk was one of genuine amusement.
"Your modesty astounds me even now. How unfortunate that drugs can not cause me any blackouts as a born legilimens."

My eyes widened. "So, you literally remember everything about your life?"

"In lucid detail. Alcohol may be my chief vice besides a diverting evening with witches, but yes, witch, in photographic detail, I can recall my life up until the age of four when my powers first surfaced. Now, how about that shower?"

We showered then, and we both tried to be professional and not touch each other, but seeing that water from the shower slide down his perfect abdomen, and how it trickled to the floor, I felt my insides turn to absolute mush. Our eyes met, and I don't know who grabbed who first, but suddenly his lips were on mine, and his tongue roughly plunged into my mouth, making me moan loudly.

His hands kneaded and played with my nipples, and I found myself touching his sculpted chest, taking hold of his length and stroking him. "Careful witch," His voice murmured into my mouth as he nibbled my lower lip, "If you get him hard, I'm going to fuck you against this wall making you more sore."

"Do it. Please. Just, go slow."
"No promises. Touch him again. Don't stop."

I did, and after a few strokes, he lined himself up with my entrance, and slid into me in one smooth motion. I wrapped my legs tight around him as he moved me up and down on him, pressing my back against the shower tiles as we kissed deeply, frantically even as he took me deep but not quickly. I climaxed a few times, and he finished inside me as well before pulling out. I felt his seed trickle down my inner thigh, and I cleaned the excess off.

After that, we cleaned ourselves up, and put on hotel bathrobes. I sneaked back into my suite, and thankfully no one was up and about from what I could see. I dressed, and when I was done, Pansy Parkinson was in our trashed suite's kitchen making breakfast.

She grinned knowingly at my attire, and commented, "So, which guy was it who broke you in? Or was it Ronnie?"

"Snape and um.." I stammered, "M-Mr Malfoy."

Her brown eyes widened in shock, but then she laughed, "Like..both of them? All three of you?"

"Yeah. Twice with Snape just now. Oh wow, am I sore now."

Pansy began making me a Bloody Mary. She slid it across the bar to me. "You've earned it, girl. Drink up."

I did, and she grinned. "Wow."
"What?"

"It's always the quiet ones. So, tell me, how was it? This story I've gotta hear."

"I don't remember! I just woke up naked sandwiched in between them, and I had morning sex with Snape. Um, really good sex I might add. Although, I was supposed to be saving it until marriage."

"Oops. Oh well, fae dust and alcohol does a number on your memories. I just remember the stripper, and one of the Patil's using her wand like a butt plug on him because she liked him so much. We'll figure it out, don't worry, girl."

"But I lost my virginity last night!"

"Yeah, to two gorgeous wizards. Big deal, it's not like you married either of them, right?"

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Right, about my getting married.  I'm supposed to be marrying Ronald Weasley. The operative word, supposed to be. Now, since the drugs I was on was still messing with my memory, I had no clue that more than one wedding happened the night before, but let me take you back to when my friends decided that a combination bachelorette and bachelor bash in Las Vegas was in any way a good idea...