Average

Chapter 5

I've been laying in bed all day. Im tired of the world beating me up like im a punching bag. I might be over exaggerating, but having money issues in your family is probably the worst yet it has it's moments of happiness. I know my mother isn't all too happy with the death of my grandparents and well why would I blame her she is the youngest and she took care of them even with the smallest amount of income. Their funeral really buried her and it was just all a difficult time for us, but she remained strong while I sat there on the couch staring into the hard cold floor spilling tears onto my shirt like a waterfall. I just get tired of spending my mother's money and I know that I don't show it, but it sucks because I know she works hard for it and I'm taking it like it's candy. Jobs aren't so easy to get and I've been working on getting one, but who wants to hire a highschool student that has no experience in the retail or food field whatsoever. I did take an ROP class that qualifies as some type of experience, but how exactly would they know that I actually tried?

I know that life is built to give you road blockages, but these are holes in the ground that so many people have fallen through. It's a dark cold night so maybe I'm just overthinking things. I am only 16 and I know that I'm old enough to get a job, but what about school? A lot of students both have work and education. Sometimes I wonder how they have time to do anything fun.

Life isn't just fun and games, but I want to live life to its fullest right now and who doesn't?

I'm sitting here thinking about everything and everyone. My mother, Kristen, Frank, my future, my past, and my present. Only to be blinded by the unwanted memories that no other person seeks to remember.

I remember the day that my grandmother and my grandfather both had the best laughter of their lives. The funny thing is that I can't remember what was so funny, but the room went completely silent and it was just the sound of their laughter as if they were the only two here. I walked up and asked them what was funny. They both stopped and stared at eachother then turned back and continued to laugh. Somehow I managed to laugh alongside them and I sat there with them. I also remember how my mother took a picture of all three of us. It wasn't the best picture, but it was the best to me knowing that we were all having the time of our lives laughing to an unclear topic. I lost the picture and now it's just a figure of memory. I miss them both, but I do not want to remember of the times with them because I'd want them back and that would be selfish of me wouldn't it? Jesus, God, or whoever is taking care of our lost ones has to be the luckiest person ever and you know why? Because he has the best treasures anyone could hold. A human soul in the most happiest of days, but why sit here and think of lost things.

The TV is yelling with sounds of static and electricity as if it were unable to provide with good shows and what not.

I'm still sitting here holding a pillow to my chest like bullet proof vest except the only thing I want to avoid right now is the emotion and disturbance in myself from all these late night thoughts except that the day hasn't even ended. It's like they decide to hit you at the most vulnerable times and they just make you assume the worst possible. Since your assume, things go wrong and your left there to proceed with what your left with.

Usually my mother would come in my room and ask me why I haven't been out, considering the fact that I've had no fresh air in my lungs all day. Maybe she left somewhere and I didn't even notice. She'd tell me before she left anywhere just in case of a situation or something or maybe she just fell asleep. I feel like I need her to just come in and ask me if im okay, but my mom isn't that type of person and it's not that she doesn't care it's just she feels like it's not her place to. I don't really know why,  because she is my mom and I want her to help me.

This is probably the part of my life when I depend on people and I know I shouldn't because people really do fail you at times and it's not them, it's yourself because you should be independent for the better. Those people have things of their own to deal with so don't depend on them for anything.

I don't really know what situations I'm going to face and what type of tatics I'll use to deal with them, but the distant future is great and I can feel it.