Love Letters to the Dead (Emison)

Letter #3

Dear Ali,

Even know when I think of you as being my girlfriend it brings a smile to my face. You could've had anyone you wanted at Rosewood High but still you were content with me. I'm glad I could make you happy. You made me happy too, don't get me wrong, I just wish we could've had more time together, made more memories together. I just wish my last memory of you wasn't of you dying in my arms. In some respects, I wish that I never came to the hospital when I received word of your state. Then maybe my last memory could've been of our last happy day together.

You were my secret girlfriend but everyone knows that secrets don't last in Rosewood. They only spread. So rumours that we were both playing for the other team spread. It didn't hurt your reputation, only mine. People looked at me weirdly, made homophobic jokes, teases me openly sometimes. Not you though. People though it was sexy that you liked both genders. Guys made jokes saying they weren't going to be able to get any of the girls with you on the market. So many times I wanted to blurt out that you were my girlfriend. But I didn't. Because I would rather be teased and have you than lose you. That's how much our love meant to me. I can only hope it meant as much to you as it meant to me.

So of course, when prom came neither of us wanted to ask the other officially to be their prom date. You didn't because you still cared about your reputation, me because I was worried that it might lead to you leaving me. Even in our love life, you were queen bee. And now the queen bee has died and there is no one to take her place.

Neither of us asked the other to prom but we decided to go as friends. You were asked by many guys and every time one of them approached you, I was so worried you would say yes. Even Noel wanted to give it another shot. You turned them all down. No one ever approached me.

We all went in a limo together. You and me. Hanna and Caleb. Spencer and Toby. Aria took Andrew. None of them knew we were a couple. Until later that night that is.

I always thought Aria's love with Ezra was damned. I didn't understand why they didn't break it off the moment they realised they were teacher and student. Their love life was damned but still they went for it head first. I'm no hypocrite. Our love life was damned more than theirs. We just didn't know it back then.

I remember prom so clearly. It was the first real day you were my girlfriend. I remember dancing with you on the prom floor. It was a slow dance. I stared into your blue eyes and looked at your blonde hair. I loved you so much then. But even though I was transfixed by you, I saw you weren't looking at me. You were looking behind me. You still cared what others thought of you.

Noticing this, I left you that night. The next time I saw you was when you were going up on stage to collect your crown for Prom Queen. Noel Kahn was Prom King. I wanted to be your queen but of course I couldn't. You looked so happy up there with Noel, I thought maybe you did love him. Anyone could see he loved you and no doubt you could see it too. Maybe that's why you cheated on me.

At least Noel came after all this mess and told me that he was sorry. He wasn't even the one doing the cheating. You were. And you died before you even said you were sorry. Was it that hard to say sorry? You got mad every time I even looked at Paige or Samara or Talia even if it wasn't in that way. They had all come out publicly and so had I so you naturally thought I would cheat on you. Were you that insecure Ali? I had never even dated any of them. But every time you accused me of looking at them I put my tail between my legs and begged you for forgiveness. I never cheated on you Ali. The moment you became my girlfriend I never even looked at another person in that way. But the moment you thought I had a thing with Paige and we had our first fight since you became my girlfriend, you ditched me for Noel Kahn. I walked in on you. And you know what Ali? I had come to your house to apologise for looking at Paige like that even though I never did. But I came to see your tongue down Noel Kahn's throat and both of you under the sheets of your room. But you never said sorry. I just apologised for looking at Paige like that and angering you. You accepted my apology and we moved on. You never said you were sorry. After you died Noel told me that he was sorry for that night.

I forgive you Alison. Some might call me naïve to ever forgive you so easily. But I don't think so. You never apologised in words but even I think you were sorry. You didn't look at other people in that way again after that either.

But it was only during prom that it occurred to me that Noel Kahn was still very much in love with you.

The after-party, like almost every year, was at Noel's massive house. Everyone got drunk every year. You were wasted out of your mind. So when you slurred to everyone, "I'm in a relationship with Emily Fields" I didn't stop you. More like I couldn't stop you because I was too drunk myself to realise. But their were people there that were a little less wasted. These people actually understood what you were saying and it was that night when the rumours that we were dating were confirmed.

~Emily

30/11/13

A/N: Hey guys! Thank you all for reading! Don't forget to leave a vote or comment below! This fanfic is a bit of a side-project because I really wanted to try a different style of writing rather than just the average fanfic. There are only going to be four or five more chapters I think because I want to concentrate more on "Troublemakers" (my other fanfic) as well as other writing. Hope you all enjoyed!