After Darkness

*14. The confusion*

Krist walked away not knowing what to say. It wasn't that Mike's kiss wasn't good, but it was weird kissing him when he only saw Mike as a friend. The two looked at each other for a moment, Mike understanding that the feeling was not reciprocated.

"Kris, I'm sorry."

"Oh, so you really are my secret admirer."

It wasn't the right thing to say and Krist regretted it the second the words were out of his mouth. He wanted to hug Mike and say he was sorry for not being able to reciprocate his feeling, but his friend had already walked away.

"Mike..." Krist yelled, running after his friend. He caught up with him just as Gawin appeared with lemon juice in hand. A moment of uncomfortable silence and Gawin managed to say, "Neo is calling for the last part of the rehearsal."

Mike entered the room without saying anything. Krist felt awkward and thought about what to say to Gawin, but there was no need to say a word because the boy entered the room too.

Despite not making a scene about the rejection, it was clear that Mike was sad and shaken. When he called Krist to talk in the hallway, the boy never imagined that he would confess his feelings and tell him that he was his secret admirer. When Krist refused to believe it, thinking it might be a prank, Mike kissed him. There was no more doubting after that.

But feelings suck. You can't just control who you fall in love with or decide to reciprocate someone's feelings. It doesn't explain why you fall in love with one person and not another. Krist had already tried to find that answer in books and even on the internet, but feelings like that couldn't be explained.

He knew this very well because with each passing day he was surer that he was in love with Gawin. He knew this because he sometimes dreamed of Gawin, and it wasn't friendship content. He knew this because his heart was pounding when he heard Gawin's deep voice. He knew this because at that very moment a part of him was confused and distressed as to why Gawin seemed upset with him.

Before the two could talk, Gawin left the room as soon as rehearsals ended. That made Krist even more frustrated. It seemed he never knew exactly where the two of them were or if something personal had just happened and Gawin wasn't willing to share it with anyone but Aye. It was difficult to know the direction of that friendship under those circumstances.

New and Krist decided to go out alone that Saturday. They invited the whole group, but Off said he would only go if Gun wasn't there, and Gun said he wouldn't go anywhere Off had been invited. And Mike just said he couldn't, but Krist knew exactly why he didn't accept. He still hadn't worked up the courage to tell New about Mike's love confession during rehearsals.

The two decided to go to a party that would take place in a ballad. One of New's favorite DJs was going to play there, and Krist was pleased that there would be a performance by one of his favorite drag queens, Dearis Doll.

That night would be young. The two said goodbye and Krist went home. He needed to get some things organized since he probably wouldn't wake up until after lunch time the next day.

The house was empty. Krist couldn't remember when the last time was he had seen his mother. She now spent practically all of her available time at her new boyfriend's house. Krist didn't like him. In fact, he hadn't even met the man, but he felt in his heart that he didn't like him and that his mother would probably regret this relationship later on.

There was an audio message from his mother when he checked his phone: "Kitty, I'm going to spend the weekend with Victor. I promise next week we'll do some mom-and-son activities." Krist knew it was a lie. Their relationship was one of the most confusing things in his life at that moment.