Faded || Han Jisung

nine

Dear Diary,

I ended up telling Han anyway. I can't deal with this entire on my own. He's the only one who's there for me. I'm going to move in with him. I'm old enough, and plus, it's not like we're strangers. I'm just scared he'll see a different, imperfect side of me. A side that will change his perception of me forever. I have trouble sleeping, and I get panic attacks sometimes. What if I'm just being a nuisance?

He can kick me out whenever he wants, and I can't blame him. I'm the one barging into his life, his home, breaking his peace, and it's nice enough that he allows me to come. He assured me that I can stay as long as I like, but what if he's just trying to be nice? In order to repay him for this, I'll clean his house and cook and be helpful however I can. I wish...

i wish i was normal 

What did I do to deserve this? Why was I the one born in such a problematic, loveless family. Why me? I'm that person who everyone thinks has it worse than them, so they use me an example to love themselves. But what about me? Who has it worse than me? Who can I use as an example to make me feel better? Well, at least I have a loving boyfriend who will take care of me, but even he will get tired of me. I don't deserve to date such an amazing person like him, to ruin his life. Should I just break up? That will be best for both of us...

but i love him too much

- Sun Hee