Faded || Han Jisung

one (S2)

Dear Diary,

My head is spinning. I need a glass of water.

This must be a prank, right? Just a prank. I got really scared. I'm so gonna kill my friends the next time I see them.

Oh, one sec, I just got a text message. Lemme just check it out.

........................................................................................................................

It.. it wasn't a prank. I can't believe this. He's gone. I'm never going to be able to see him.. ever again. This was as my fault.

If only I had been a better girlfriend. If only I hadn't dumped all my problems on him. If only I hadn't been too imposing. If only I'd never dated him in the first place...

Would he still be alive today?

How will I face his family knowing that I was the one who killed him? They would never forgive me...

I don't even deserve to go to his funeral. I'm such sh*t. I loved him, I loved him with all my heart. But it turns out, love can kill. 

I wish I never asked Jisung for that favor. I wish I never ran away from home. I wish mom never died. I wish Jisung never asked me out. I wish we never went to the same school. I wish we never even knew each other. I wish I was never born. Cause that's where all the problems started, isn' it? Dad got tired of Mom after she got pregnant... with me. It's too late to change things now. I've caused too much suffering to everyone...

Do I even deserve to live?

Sun Hee