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s1 ep17: who let them cook

This trial, by far, was the straight dumbest shit Kurona Ranze had ever had the fortune of meeting. It was literally so fucking boring that the redhead was contemplating faking appendicitis and getting airlifted to the fucking hospital instead of having to sit through this corporate zest fest.

As the first act concluded and Michael Kaiser was nominated as the next Bastard München representative, Kurona realized that things were going to get even worse from there.

"Who in the world let him cook." Someone from beside Kurona muttered with his head in his hands.

"I know right." Kurona groaned. "He's gonna fuck shit up."

"Beyond fuck shit up. It's Kaiser. He'll try to rizz up the criminal and get shot in the process." Another voice from behind chipped in.

"The pain of jury duty, an ode to the fallen. Alas—"

"Shut up Grim." The two previous voices snapped in unison.

"Damn, fuck you too." Grim snapped back. At that point, Kurona finally turned his head. 3 original members of Bastard München had somehow found their way into his general vicinity.

"Birk, remind me what your last name is again." The blonde German on Kurona's left asked, his head resting on his forearms as he watched the judicial spectacle with closed eyes.

"Shoe?" Grim offered.

"Fuck you two. You suck." 'Birk' reiterated.

"His last is Birkenstock, and he refuses to tell us his first name." Kurona's neighbor explained, his eyes still closed. "It's probably Adolf or some shit like that."

"Yeah? Adolf Birkenstock?"

"My name isn't Adolf, asshole. And shut up Grim. As soon as you un-dye your hair and get a side part, you'd be about ready to start a World War."

"They're stupid." The neighbor admitted. Finally, he turned his head to look at Kurona. "You don't look familiar. Irrelevant?"

"Wow. Thanks." Kurona's face flattened. The neighbor held out a hand.

"Erik Gesner." Kurona shook his hand.

"Kurona Ranze."

"Gesner about to rizz him up wit the 'Ich liebe dich,' on god." Birkenstock added helpfully. Erik flipped him off before resuming his conversation.

"Excuse them. They're stupid." He waved them off. "Are you part of the original Blue Lock?"

Kurona nodded.

"Cool. I thought this place was supposed to be some sort of high-tech facility that would turn me into the next Pelé, but it's just a glorified football concentration camp. The food is ass, and the training isn't much better." Gesner complained. "If I wanted to waste my time I would've listened to Ness and Kaiser have a conversation."

"Did you call my name?" Ness chirped from somewhere.

"Shut up, bitch."

Kurona found Bastard München very entertaining all of a sudden. Compared to Isagi's sudden changes in personality, acting as if his name was Kanye West, to Yukimiya's sudden desire for isolationism, he found comfort in somewhat normalcy. Maybe Igaguri was wrong; Bastard München's original players weren't bad at all.

"Go back to sucking Kaiser's dick before four-eyes hops on that shit and steals your man," Birkenstock claimed. "He's a lush; I wouldn't be surprised."

"Lush? You talk like a fucking English major."

"You're the real lush here, Gesner."

"Huh?" Kurona questioned.

"Oh, you've never heard? My buddy Erik here," Birkenstock slung an arm over Gesner's shoulder, "Has never met a flower he didn't press, if you catch my drift."

"He's a walking shipwreck." Grim reiterated.

Kurona frowned, mildly uncomfortable. Gesner turned around to glare at Birkenstock with closed eyes, somehow. "Relax. You're making my new friend uncomfortable. Weirdo." He pushed him off in one fell swoop.

"So, Kurona, what are you good at?" Erik continued the conversation. Kurona realized that he was now going to be referred to as Gesner's 'new friend' and continued regardless.

"Passing."

"Ah, a midfielder. There's a lack of those out there. Everyone wants to be forward. Not surprising." He continued. "That's where all the action happens. Too bad Kaiser and that other guy are too engaged in their weird roleplay to notice the rest of us."

"Isn't his name Usagi?" Grim asked.

"Isagi." Kurona corrected.

"Man, fuck Isagi. He's so fucking weird, talking to the people in his head like that one schizophrenic from FC Barcha." Birkenstock proclaimed.

"Leonardo Luna?" Grim asked.

"Leonardo Luna's from Real Madrid, and Bachira's schizophrenia is questionable at best. He just acts like he's straight from Albuquerque, New Mexico, on some Breaking Bad type shit."

"Where the fuck is New Mexico?"

"That doesn't make any fucking sense." Sendou Shuuto called from the trial podiums. "The facts have already been established for us. You're calling on shit we know didn't occur."

"Am I?"

"Michael Kaiser, bro," Gesner muttered.

"This is why I wish I was English." Grim groaned.

"Yeah? You're fit to ride the tube with tea and crumpets, innit?" Birkenstock mocked. A member of Manshine City shot the four of them a dirty look. Kurona put his hands up in surrender.

"You're such an asshole," Kurona noted once the glare had left him. "Do y'all Germans got no filter?"

"Nope. Just him. It's because his parents don't love him anymore." Gesner casually admitted. Birkenstock looked three steps away from either beating him up or just bursting into tears.

"My mommy does love me." Birkenstock proclaimed.

"No, she doesn't. We've talked about this. She don't." Grim responded.

"She does. I know it." He said, quieter this time.

"Nothing like emotional trauma on a weekday. Shit, someone's coming. I mean.. uh... " Grim's facade went back up again. "Oh the woes of the human heart, consumed by the truth of our fatal reality. Alas, only darkness follows.

"I want the old Grim back." Kurona sighed. While the conversation had been entertaining and eventful, the sudden shift in both Grim and Birkenstock's behavior made things more dull. Kurona focused on Erik, who had been staring at him for the past 3 minutes.

"Uh..." Kurona questioned. "Is there something on my face?"

"No." He responded. "You've just got a nice one, that's all."

Kurona didn't know how to respond to that. Involuntarily, his cheeks heated up. "Thanks?"

"Welcome."

Ding ding!

The monitor flashed blue. "Attention: the free-for-all round has concluded. Next up: Trounce! PXG versus Bastard München. Candidates, please make your way to the podiums."

One podium sank back into the ground as 4 icons reappeared on the screen. Karasu was back up for another round, it appeared. Seemed he was the most popular choice so far. To accompany him was Itoshi Rin. On the opposing team, Yukimiya, the loner. And one last choice.

Isagi Yoichi.

Kurona wanted to die.

a/n: lmao i almost forgot to write this bit

sorry for the huge gap in updates im highly unmotivated rn

dw all the bastard munchen stuff is important next season if yall stick around lmao

ok bye i gotta write something else