Forever Yours

My Heart Is... [38]

38. My Heart Is...

Maureen

As Ryan went to climb out of the car, a wave of despondency washed over me. Was it silly of me that I didn't want to say goodbye to him? I supposed it was, but at the same time, I had gone so long in not being able to see him or talk to him, that saying goodbye was as much of a torturous thought as I had ever had.

Trying to not show my inward distress, I planted my hands on the steering wheel, wrapping my fingers around it deliberately. Ryan glanced at me over his shoulder. Something in my expression made him suddenly turn back in his seat.

"Come here," he said, pulling me towards him. I hid my face in his shoulder and closed my eyes. A little sigh escaped me. "You gonna be okay?"

I nodded but didn't speak. There was a lump in my throat.

"Oh, I wanted to give you something," he said, pulling back. I quickly swiped my finger across my cheek, making sure the small tear stinging in my eye hadn't escaped. "I wanted to give this to you earlier but didn't have the chance..." He slid his hand into his pocket and pulled out a small black box. He handed it to me, and I took it gingerly, stroking my finger across the black velvet. "Go ahead. Open it."

Carefully, I pried the cover open. I gasped.

Nestled in a bed of plush blue velvet was an exquisite silver heart-shaped locket. I ran my finger over the intricate filigree and then with trembling fingers, popped the miniscule clasp.

"Oh, Ryan," I whispered.

Inside the two windows of the locket were two small pictures. One was a beautiful picture of Ryan. He was smiling and his eyes shone. I smiled, holding back the tears and looked at the other picture. It was of me, and I had a sudden flashback of the day he took it.

We had been hanging out at Death Valley, about a week after he first told me that he loved me. We'd been laughing at something, though I didn't remember what. He had called my name, and I, still laughing, looked up at him and that's when he snapped the picture. My hair was tumbling down my back, my cheeks were flushed, and my eyes were glistening from the tears that sprung up after my laughing fit.

"It's beautiful, Ryan," I whispered, unable to tear my eyes from the locket. My fingers were still shaking as I gently released it from the binding, and lifted it up. "Would you help me put it on?" I asked, proffering the necklace to him.

He nodded and I lifted up my hair, turning my back to him. His hands went around my neck as he passed the chain in front of me.

"Do you like it?" He asked me after he had fastened it. I turned my head slightly to meet his eyes.

"I love it."

He smiled my favorite smile and kissed me. "Now every time you wear it... you'll think of me. And you'll always have me with you."

"I think of you all the time anyhow," I mumbled which made him smile. I reached up my hand to finger the locket. "Thank you, Ryan. It's the most beautiful gift anyone's ever given me."

I saw the pleased look flash through his eyes right before it was replaced with relief. "I-I wanted to get you something, but I didn't know what I could give you. What can you give a girl who owns half of California?" He teased. I laughed and slapped his arm. "But then I thought... what else can I give but my heart?" His voice fell lower, and I looked up. His eyes gazed into mine. My heart melted.

"You already have mine," I whispered.

It was easier to let him get out of the car this time. I clasped the locket in my hand and smiled as he grabbed his backpack from behind the passenger seat. He walked around the car to my side, and looked down at me.

"You gonna be okay?" He asked, his gaze searching mine.

I nodded.

"Alright. Call me if anything," he said, leaning down to press his lips to my forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too," I said as he pulled away. He ran his finger down my cheek and then turned away, reluctantly. "Ryan?"

"Yes?"

"When... when did you get this?" I asked curiously, touching the necklace.

He looked down and then back up at me with a pained smile. "I was actually carrying it in my pocket the night we broke up." I don't know what my expression looked like in that moment but it made Ryan turn back to kiss me. "Look beneath the pictures once you get back home, okay?"

I just managed to nod before he smiled and left.

When I got home, I hurried to my bedroom. The room was in shambles from me and Cara's dress-up frenzy but I hardly noticed as I shut the door behind me and hurried towards my bed, reaching up to unfasten the clasp at the back of my neck. The silver shimmered as I laid it down on my pillow carefully. Opening the locket, I smiled at Ryan's picture before gently removing it from its place.

To my surprise, there seemed to be an inscription beneath it. I leaned closer, squinting at the small words. In fancy lettering, I read,

My heart is...

I felt my own heart skip a beat as I shakily pulled out the second picture.

Forever yours