Forever Yours

Before the Storm [22]

22. Before the Storm

Maureen

We didn't talk about it again that day. We went back to finish the movie and Ryan held my hand in his, hidden beneath a couch pillow. His thumb stroked across the back of my hand soothingly. I could hardly look at him. I was too wrapped up in my head.

The boys fell asleep during the ride home, exhausted from the long day out. I was doing my best to not think about anything. Thinking about talking to my dad about Ryan was one thing... actually getting up the guts to do it was another. I had no idea how I would even start that conversation... what I would say...

Ryan reached across the seat and took my hand. I glanced at him. The sun was setting, casting orange light across the windshield, filling the car... he looked over at me.

"It's gonna be okay, Maureen," he said. The way he said it, I almost believed him.

"Yeah. I know." I said hollowly.

I stared out the window, watching the sun set beyond the horizon. The sky was streaked with fiery orange and red and pink; clouds drifted just beyond building tops. I found myself sitting forward, distracted.

"Oh, Ryan, look."

Ryan bent forward.

"Wow." He said after a moment.

"Isn't it beautiful?"

"It is..." He shook his head, sitting back. "Leave it to you to notice it," he smiled at me.

"What do you mean?"

"You always look for the beauty in everything, Maureen."

I stared at him, surprised.

"It's easy to see the beauty in the sky," I said after a moment, lost for words.

"Yes, but you'd have to look up at the sky to see it, wouldn't you?"

"I suppose..."

"Not a lot of people remember to look at the sky."

-

"Maureen, I have a question."

"Yes?" We were nearing closer to home. Ryan had been quiet for a while, thinking to himself.

"Would it... well, do you think it would help if I... well, if I maybe went to church on Sunday with you and your family?"

I turned to stare at him in bewilderment. He felt my stare and flushed. "It's just... I've been...I've been thinking about it...about getting right, you know? I mean, why not, right? Whenever I think of Lacey, I think I must owe somebody in high places something for saving her life. You said it was God... I'm choosing to believe that."

I hardly knew what to say.

For a moment, all I could think about were all the nights that I had deliberately avoided praying since everything with Ryan had started. The lies I had told. The hypocrisy of it all. I felt my chest tighten a little bit. I was a fake. A phony. And Ryan didn't even know it...

"You once mentioned that you guys go to church. And I was thinking maybe if I went - well, maybe then I could meet your dad and maybe then he'd like me... give me a chance, you know?"

I stared at him for several seconds, my thoughts whirling. Church... Ryan... my dad. Suddenly, it seemed so clear. So simple. Yes! Ryan would come with us to church and then my parents would meet him. And afterwards, I'd talk to Dad. And Dad would already be warmed up to him... it'd be the perfect introduction to my confession, wouldn't it?

"Ryan, that's brilliant... that's a great idea - yes, yes... please. You have to come."