Forever Yours

Facing Dad [24]

24. Facing Dad

Maureen

"Dad?" I stammered. "D-dad... I-"

I couldn't lie to him. Not now. But I couldn't say yes, either.

"Maureen?"

"D-dad, I... I..."

Dad was silent. I held my breath, my heart pounding. I could hear his disappointment in the long terrible silence that stretched like a chasm between us.

"Maureen," he finally said. I'd never hated the sound of my own name more. "Come home. Now."

"Okay." I whispered.

The phone clicked and I was listening to a dial tone.

I felt like I'd gotten the wind knocked out of me. I stood stock still for a few seconds, my heart pounding.

Dad knows. He knows.

"I gotta go," I muttered to Ryan, pushing past him.

"What's wrong? What did he say?"

"He..." My throat felt like it was stuffed with cotton. I rubbed at it, coughed. "He said I have to come home." I started towards the door but he caught me by the arm.

"You look ill. Are you alright?" He asked, his eyes dark, raising his hand to cup my cheek. I turned my face away. "What did he say?"

I shook my head quickly.

"I have to go," I blurted out, pulling away from him, running towards the door. I ran down the stairs - my only goal in mind to get out of here, to get home, to fix this... somehow.

My hand was on the doorknob, my eyes gazing unseeingly through the door, to my car which I had to get into - when a hand on my wrist jerked me back to reality and my body was being spun around.

"Maureen, stop," Ryan said in a deep, no-nonsense voice and I automatically stilled, my heart even pausing from its erratic race inside my chest. "You can't just leave, you can't just take off like this - not without talking to me first. What happened? What did he say?"

"He found out," I said in a small voice.

"About what? About us?"

I nodded, feeling tears of guilt and fear flood my eyes.

Ryan seemed at a loss for words. "Okay... but isn't that what you were planning to do anyway? Tell him?"

"Yes... yes. But not like this. I have no idea how he found out... he must have seen something, he must have talked to somebody... but how? We didn't tell anybody, you didn't tell anybody - did you?" I appealed to him. He shook his head. "And now he figured it out and he's gonna be so disappointed in me and never trust me again and I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do, Ryan..."

By now I was half ranting, half sobbing and Ryan had pulled me to his chest, wrapping one arm around my waist and the other around the back of my shoulders, holding me tightly. "Shh, shh, it's okay, Maureen, its okay..."

I dug my fingers into his tee shirt, burying my face into his neck. His warm, familiar smell filled my head and I sucked in a breath, wishing I could stay locked in his arms forever. His arms were safe...secure...nothing could go wrong with his arms around me.

And yet... they had.

As we stood there, my thoughts whirling in a fog of panic in my head, I realized what I had to do. Methodically, I shoved all of my pent up emotion into a corner of my head, just as I'd shoved away the guilt for so many weeks. I forced myself to pull away from Ryan. I wiped my eyes and told him I was okay. He didn't believe me but I told him to let me go. The confusion and hurt in his eyes was more than I could bear... Closing my eyes and shaking my head, I moved his arms from around me and said goodbye.

"You mean, 'see you later,' don't you?" he asked, in a halfhearted attempt at a joke.

"Yeah... see you later," I repeated in a hollow voice. I turned to the door.

It was almost like I could feel my heart shattering... the world crumbling around me. I just had to get out of there; I had to get home.

"Okay... I love you, Maureen," he said quietly behind me. I turned on the front step, blinking my burning eyes, and allowed myself what I thought would be my last vision of him, while things were right. While they were okay.

He was leaning on the door slightly, his tee shirt wrinkled, his dark hair rumpled. His eyes stared into mine, like liquid blue diamonds, flickering with reproach, with passion and confusion. His lips, red and slightly bruised from our last kiss that morning, were tight and thin.

Something clicked within me, and whirling back, a soundless, choked sob lodged in my throat, I threw my arms around his neck and crashed my lips against his.

It lasted a frozen moment in time. I didn't want to let him go. What waited for me at home? I didn't want to imagine.

But I couldn't stay. I had to stop this...

The thought wrenched me back to reality, and I ripped myself away from Ryan, my eyes stinging, cheeks burning. He stood silent, breathing hard, staring down at me.

I spun around and ran to my car.

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