Gambling with My Fuckin Life

Memoirs of a Gorilla

"Who the actual fuck?" Des thought. She pulled up her pants and turned the water to her bath off.
She groaned and drug her heavy body to the knocking sound at her front door.
Placing her shaking hand on the door knob, almost scared of what was being on the other side, Des opened the door to a crack, to see the gentleman standing on the other side. It was the man who was sitting on the porch with the tattooed stranger not even an hour ago.
He smiled "Hey, I'm Ruby, I live next door...I heard some screaming from over here...you ok?" He seemed genuinely concerned and non threatening so Des opened the door a little wider.
"Dang girl, you don't feel so good huh?" Ruby said with total confidence at what he was looking at.
So many thoughts were going through Des's head, "yeah, I..um. I don't know..I uh, yea I feel like shit man." She stumbled over her words.
Ruby shook his head, " you smoke?" He offered the blunt he had tucked behind his ear.
Des just shook her head by yes  and opened the door and stepped to the side to invite him inside.
Ruby followed Des as she slowly walked towards her couch. He knew exactly what was going on.
Des sat down and patted the spot next to her. Ruby rushed to sit down and pulled the blunt from behind his ear and the lighter out of his pocket. He inhaled thoughtfully and looked at the dopesick girl beside him.
"Here ya go little shawty, smoke that shit." Ruby handed the blunt to Des as she accepted with shaking fingers.
She didn't know if this was going to make it worse or make it better but at this point it really didn't matter.
"Thanks, I appreciate it." Des said as she inhaled the smoke from Ruby's blunt.
"You're welcome," Ruby said, "we gunna talk about the screaming I heard earlier? Or we just both going to pretend like there's not a dopesick elephant in the room?"
Des froze and looked at Ruby with terror in her eyes. This was it, this was where her strength was going to be tested.
Des frantically searched for words to give this man.
"Uh, well...I uh.." She was panicked.
Ruby laughed "it's all good shawty, ya want help or you trying to ride this shit out? Cause something tells me you know where to sniff out  drugs."
Des sighed, "I came here to ride it out."
Ruby's laughed roared through Des's house.
"This isn't exactly the best place to do that!" Ruby said still laughing.
"Yea..I know, but it's cheap and no one knows me here and I thought.."
Ruby cut her off "You thought what? You could come to the 7th ward dopesick and not run into your drug of choice?"
""I don't know what I was thinking!" Des said as her eyes filled with tears, " I don't know who I am or what I'm doing or how I got here!!" She sobbed.
"Ah man, cmon shawty don't have a meltdown on me," Ruby said. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pill bottle , "Here man, " he said as he unscrewed the top of the pill bottle and fished one out. " you gotta taper or something, you can't come off this shit like this."
Des salivated as she stared at the little blue pill in Ruby's hand. Her insides were writhing, her outsides were jerking and sweating, and there was relief sitting in this strangers hand.
"No charge no strings girl, just get yourself together, take it." Ruby said, motioning to his hand with his eyes.
Des slowly took the pill with shaking hands and tears streaming down her face.
"I need a straw...I threw everything away.." Des said, holding the pill almost as if if were poison to touch.
Without a word, Ruby pulled a straw out of his pocket and handed it to Des.
She popped the pill into the straw, bent it in half and started chewing.
Ruby scanned the girl sitting next to him, her long black hair and soft round face, dark eyes, almost black. He was trying to imagine what she'd look like not dope sick as fuck. He decided she was pretty, underneath there somewhere.
Des finished chewing and popped the opening of the straw back open. "What's your name anyway?" Ruby asked as Des put the straw to her nose and leaned back .
Des inhaled "Des...Destiny, people call me Des."
Ruby watched Des sniff the drain and watched all the color immediately come back to her face.
He smiled, "Well, welcome back lil D."
Des sighed and leaned back on the couch, enjoying the wave of relief washing over her. Her limbs relaxed and her temperature adjusted. She felt gross from all the cold sweats, but it didn't matter, she was comfortable in her own skin again.
Des knew that Ruby came over out of concern and curiosity, she knew he took the opportunity to snag a customer when he saw it too.
She looked over at Ruby who was watching and waiting for her to speak. "How much?" Des asked.
Ruby smiled, "$15 unless ya buy ten, then they $10."
"Ok, cool, I'll take ten then, hold on I'll get the cash."
Ruby nodded as Des went into her bedroom.
She quickly returned with a hundred dollar bill in her hand. "Here ya go shawty." Ruby said, handing her a cellphone. "I'm next door, come over anytime."
Des faked a smile and nodded, "yeah..sure I appreciate it.."
She closed the door behind Ruby as he left and slid down it. She drew her knees into her chest and her head on her knees and sobbed.
This was never going to end.