The Baron's Soldier

Chapter Twenty Two

Bucky sat down on the sofa. He sighed. You idiot... He thought to himself. Why would you do that? You can't just touch without permission. He sighed again. It's like I forgot he was... Everything that happened to him. Of course he panicked. Bucky dug his phone from his pocket, and called Sam.
"Hey, man! I've been meaning to call you, I've just been busy." Sam sounded cheerful.
"How's our mutual friend doing?"
"You mean my boyfriend?" Bucky grinned.
"Oh yeah?" Sam sounded excited.
"Yeah it's official... I think... I hope."
"You think, and hope?"
"Y-yeah..."
"What's wrong?"
"Well we were... Kissing, and I went too far."
"Oh." Sam figured it out instantly.
"You got a little too touchy, feely?"
"Yeah. He pushed me, and started screaming, and he fell, and I had to calm him down, and he said some really odd stuff." Bucky explained.
"He was triggered, and probably experiencing a flashback."
"I know." Bucky sighed.
"I know you do, more than most." Sam spoke softly.
"Yeah, and I just hate to see him like that. Scared, and hurt."
"Yeah." Sam nodded.
"It will get worse before it gets better. Is he still inflicting wounds on himself?"
"He was doing better. The showering thing I told you about had gotten better, but I may have just ruined that. He's in the shower now." Bucky sighed.
"Relapse."
"I think so."
"What did he say that made you so shaken?"
"I was so angry, and I said something about going to the raft, and... Teaching a few lessons." He put it nicely.
"Gotcha."
"And he was begging me not to go because of secretary Ross."
"He said something about him while you guys were here after the pub crawl."
"Yeah, but he was drunk, but then tonight he said Ross couldn't be trusted. He would tell me why, or anything else in relation to Ross, he just cried, and begged me not to go as if his life.., or mine depended on it." Bucky thought for a moment. Is he protecting me?
"It is weird, but he probably didn't know what he was saying. He was scared, and panicked, and likely paranoid."
"Yeah." Bucky wasn't so sure. He heard the shower stop, and the door open.
"I've got to go, I'll text you later." Bucky said.
"No problem." Sam said, and they ended their call. Bucky stood up, and stepped down the hall.
"Zem?" He stopped Zemo before he made it into his room.
"Show me your arms."
"James, I'm tired. It's late."
"I know." Bucky spoke with sympathy. Zemo sighs. He knew Bucky would just tear his new robe like he did the last one. Slowly Zemo turned to face him as he rolled up the sleeves. His arms were red, and so was his back, neck, and chest. Bucky sighed.
"If you rub your skin that hard you're going to break it open." Bucky spoke gently.
"I'm sorry." Zemo looked down shamefully.
"I know. I just hate to see you in pain."
"I know." Zemo looked up at him.
"That's why I am sorry. I just felt so filthy again."
"It's my fault, I shouldn't have done that."
"A warning would have been appreciated." Zemo nodded.
"I don't know if we should even-"
"No." Zemo held up his hand to stop Bucky from completing that sentence.
"No, I want to be able to do these things with you. I want to be intimate with you James." He said looking into blue eyes. Bucky's cheeks flushed.
"You do?"
"Of course I do. It's just in that moment, when I felt your touch, you were no longer you. My mind fooled me. I was not here anymore, and neither were you."
"Flashback. That's what happened to me at Sarah's when the boys were playing. I wasn't there anymore. None of you were."
"I remember." Zemo nodded.
"We are not so different at all, are we James?"
"No." Bucky laughed. Zemo hugged him tightly. Arms wrapping around Bucky's waist.
"I love you James." He smiled, and closed his eyes.
"I love you Zemo." Bucky hugged him back gently, as if Zemo was fragile, and would break. Bucky looked at Zemo's arm again. He studied the pink colored mark when Curt had stabbed him. All these scars to remind him. Bucky's eyes met brown as Zemo looked up.
"James. I-I want to share your bed." Zemo stuttered for only a moment.
"I'd love that." Bucky smiled.
"I don't want to be alone." Zemo shook his head.
"I don't either, and I don't want you to be alone." In fact Bucky felt like he wouldn't have as hard of a time sleeping with Zemo beside him. Zemo took Bucky's hand, and led him into the master room. Bucky climbed into the bed first, and Zemo was right beside him. He laid down facing Bucky. He closed his eyes, and fell asleep rather quickly.
Bucky gently brushed Zemo's hair back with his right hand. He watched Zemo sleep for a bit. Relaxed features. He looked peaceful. I'll protect you. Bucky smiled, and listened to Zemo's soft breathing, and steady heartbeat.
He thought about how that heart quickened during their kiss, and how it raced during his panic attack. That's it. No more pain, no more scars. I won't let any harm come to you again. Bucky thought before closing his eyes.
                                              ~
The following day went by surprisingly fast. They ate breakfast, watched television, and relaxed with Alpine. Nothing too exciting as Bucky didn't want to push Zemo. He wanted the baron to rest after last night's episode. They napped, and had a small lunch.
Zemo noted the time that evening. He was sitting on the floor with the cat, and looked up at Bucky who was laying across the couch.
"Shouldn't we get ready to go to Mrs. Jones?"
"You still want to go?" Bucky opened his eyes, and looked at Zemo.
"Of course. She's just across the hall, and she is a sweet woman. She watched Alpine. We owe her."
"I know, you're right." Bucky stretched, and sat up.
"Guess I'll get ready."
"Me too." Zemo stood up. Bucky was clad in black as usual. Black t-shirt, jeans, and boots. Zemo put on another purple sweater, and black slacks. Once they were all ready, and finished taking turns with the bathroom they met in the living room.
"All set?" Bucky asked as Zemo slipped his shoes on.
"Yes." Zemo nodded. Bucky opened the door, and they stepped out. After closing, and locking it they crossed the hall, and Zemo knocked on the door. Mrs. Jones answered.
"Come in boys." She greeted them with excitement, and stepped aside. Bucky has been to her apartment many times to watch game shows with her. Zemo wasn't surprised. It was a typical old person's home. He was about to take his shoes off when Bucky, to Zemo's shock, stepped onto the carpet with his shoes on.
"James!" Zemo sounded as if he was scolding a child.
"That is incredibly rude, take your shoes off!" He was absolutely bewildered.
"It's not a problem darling." The senior woman hummed.
"But if you're more comfortable then by all means." She nodded. Zemo took off his shoes, and left them on the tiled part of the floor by the door. Her appointment was just like Bucky's floor plan. Zemo sat down at the table with Bucky.
She had a small sofa, and a recliner chair. On the table was a fruit, and vegetable tray as well as a bag of chips, and dip. Zemo was still in disbelief over the shoes.
"James?" He whispered.
"Why does she allow you to walk through her home with your shoes?"
"Most Americans do walk around their homes with shoes." Bucky shrugged.
"Their own homes maybe, but another person's?"
"Yeah. It's normal here." He smiled. He was rather amused by Zemo.
"But the carpet?"
"Is fine."
"No, you're dirtying her carpet, and she's going to have to clean it now."
"Okay I'll take them off." Bucky sighed feeling badly now. Zemo watched Bucky as he pulled off his boots, and got up to set them with Zemo's.
"Didn't you do this at Sam's too?" Bucky asked as he sat back down.
"I don't remember." Zemo shrugged.
"You did, you were shocked. I don't think you said anything though." Bucky couldn't quite remember either.
"Of course I was shocked that you all walked around in the house with shoes on." Zemo laughed.
"So when you have your barbecues, and cook outs as you say, you all wear shoes in the house?"
"Yes." Bucky chuckled.
"That is so strange to me." Zemo giggled. He watched Bucky dip a baby carrot in ranch dressing. Then Zemo studied the dip for the chips.
"What is this?" He asked softly.
"French onion dip." Bucky looked over at Mrs. Jones who was rummaging about in her kitchen.
"You made the dip?" He asked her.
"Yes I did." She grinned proudly.
"It's just French onion soup mix, and sour cream."
"It's my favorite." Bucky hummed as he took a bite of a chip he'd just dipped. Zemo reached into the bag, and pulled out a chip.
"It's a potato." Zemo said as he looked at the chip.
"Yeah we have them at home."
"I've not eaten them yet."
"What?" Bucky was astonished.
"So I've been eating all the chips?"
"If this is what you're referring to as a chip then yes."
"I thought for sure you were eating them too."
"I didn't realize they were crisps."
"Oh... Right." Bucky then realized the miscommunication.
"Yeah these are chips. You're thinking of french fries. Which you've had. Remember at McDonald's, we dipped them in the shake." Bucky reminded him.
"That's right." Zemo sighed.
"I'm just not used to that yet." He laughed softly.
"Like football it is called soccer here, and football is a different sport altogether." Zemo laughed softly. Bucky giggled.
"You'll get used to it the longer you're here."
"You're right." Zemo hummed as he dipped a chip, and took a bite.
"It's good! I love it!" He beamed.
"Thank you sweetie." Mrs. Jones smiled as she took a seat in her recliner. She turned on the television, which was a big, old, square, box. She put on jeopardy. They watched together. Zemo was rather good. Bucky was again amused by him. The super soldier wasn't bad either. Bucky was especially good with history, and certain events. After the show ended most of the snacks had been consumed.
"Thank you for coming to visit me, boys." Mrs. Jones smiled sweetly.
"Thank you for having us." Bucky smiled back.
"It was a wonderful time." Zemo agreed.
"It was." She nodded.
"My children don't live nearby anymore, so I appreciate the company. They're all grown, and have their own families. I see them at Christmas. They come here, and I go see them in the summer." She looked down sadly.
"All but Frankie." She sighed.
"Frankie?" Zemo asked. Bucky's expression shifted to sadness. He already knew about Frankie.
"Yes. He was my oldest. A police officer. He was just promoted to lieutenant, and wanted to be a detective." She sighed with pride. Zemo nodded.
"I see." He caught that she spoke of Frankie in past tense.
"He was killed during the attack in 2012. When those things came from space..." she shook her head.
"It sounds absurd, but that's what happened." She explained. Zemo nodded. He was well aware.
"He died trying to get people out of a building that was near collapse."
"He is a hero then." Zemo spoke softly.
"A real hero. Not like the avengers."
"Zem." Bucky moved to interrupt him, but Zemo lifted his hand indicating he wasn't finished speaking.
"Yes they may have stopped the attack, but your son was out there protecting the people. The people who are caught under the ruble, and are forgotten about as soon as the avengers finish their show." His eyes held pain, and anger. Their show? Bucky's brow furrowed, and he felt a bit of offense at that comment.
"I appreciate the avengers for what they did, but you're right." She nodded.
"My son is a hero, and he deserves that recognition, and everyone else who gave their lives that day." She smiled at him.
"Thank you. When I think of him, I get sad, and sometimes angry. I ask myself why did I let him down that path, why did he have to take that job?" She shook her head.
"No, don't think that." Zemo looked at her with sympathy.
"Those sorts of questions will drive us into madness..."
"I am proud of him." She smiled.
"Good." Zemo smiled.
"I am too. Even if I did not know him."
"Thank you." Mrs. Jones beamed.
"That means so much."
"Most people don't understand what it's like to lose a child." Zemo replied.
"Part of you dies with them." It was at that moment, when he spoke those words that she realized he spoke from experience. He's too young. Gently Mrs. Jones embraced him.
"I am so sorry Dear." She whispered.
"I'm sorry for your loss as well." He said gently, hugging her back.
"Feel free to speak with me anytime. I enjoy being able to tell stories about my Frankie." She patted his arm as she pulled away. Zemo nodded.
"Carl. My son's name was Carl." Zemo smiled sadly.
"A good name. Spelled with a C, or a K?" She asked with a grin.
"My husband's name was Karl with a K. Karl Jones."
"It was with a C."
"How lovely. I take it you are a widow then too?" She asked with sensitivity. Zemo nodded. He hated that word. Mrs. Jones shook her head.
"You are far too young to experience such things. Only old folks like me should be widows, but I suppose life can be cruel." She sighed. Zemo nodded.
"Indeed..."
"Look here." She said, taking Zemo's hand, and walking him over to her curio cabinet. Bucky followed. He was worried about Zemo, but happy that Mrs. Jones was taking a liking to him. She showed Zemo her husband's photograph, and one of Frankie in his uniform.
"It's nice you have photos." Zemo smiled.
"I wish I still had photographs of my family... I lost everything." He told her.
"I'm sorry dear." She said sympathetically.
"I am going to visit the graves tomorrow. They are next to each other." She told him.
"I buried my son, with his mother, and my father beside them." He began to fidget with the necklace he always wore. Bucky had noticed it on several occasions, but has never seen Zemo mess with it like that before. Mrs. Jones nodded.
"Maybe if we had someone like Frankie around, they could have survived." He smiled softly.
"Or if I was there..." he shook his head. Bucky looked down. He thought about what Doctor Raynor had said. Survivors' guilt. He looked back up at Zemo. One of the worst cases of it she's seen.
"Remember dear, we can't ask questions like that. It will drive you mad." She said his words back to him. Zemo nodded.
"You are right." I am mad. He thought before they hugged once more. Mrs. Jones began to grow tired. She told them she was ready for a nap.
"That sounds good." Bucky smiled. Zemo nodded.
"Come visit me whenever you want boys." She hummed as she walked them out.
"Thank you." Bucky said as he walked Zemo back over to their apartment. Once inside, and the door locked, Bucky stepped over to the couch, and flopped down on it.
"James."
"Hmm?" Bucky looked over at Zemo who was taking his shoes off on the tiled floor.
"Shoes."
"Alright."Bucky took his shoes off. Zemo stepped over to him, and held out his hands.
"Oh, thanks." He handed Zemo his boots, and Zemo set them down beside his own shoes. Bucky watched him.
"Zem?"
"Yes?"
"Sit with me. We need to talk about some things."
"Alright." Zemo nodded, and stepped back over to the couch, and sat down. Bucky started by asking,
"Are you okay?"
"I am fine."
"You sure?"
"Yes... Mrs. Jones talked about how only old people should be widowed, but the world is cruel. She is right. We were robbed, but then I also chose to rob others of what they had... She is a strong woman. Sarah too. She is young like me, and she is a widow. She told me about her husband. He was in the air force like Sam, and he died in duty."
"I didn't know you talked about that." Bucky was rather surprised. He knew Cas, and A.J's father had died in the line of duty, but he never spoke with them, or Sarah about it. He'd only known from Sam. Zemo nodded.
"She inspired me."
"Sarah?"
"Yes. When she talked about how she felt, and how she was able to get back on the scene as she put it, I felt that maybe I do that too, maybe I could love someone again, and I do. I did not think I could, but I love you James. You are everything to me." Zemo closed his eyes. Bucky was stunned. Happy, but stunned nonetheless. Me? I mean that much to someone? To Zemo of all people?
"Zemo, I love you too." Bucky smiled. Zemo hummed tiredly before falling into Bucky's side. Bucky chucked, and lifted his right arm, and wrapped it around Zemo's shoulder. They were quiet for a moment. Bucky's smile faded. He needed to say something about Zemo's earlier comment.
"I know how you feel about the averages, but can you please keep in mind that they are my friends?" Bucky spoke softly, and rather nervously. There was silence that followed.
"I am sorry James." Zemo said finally.
"I wish I could feel the same as you, but I don't know if I ever will."
"I wish that too." Bucky sighed. Again there was silence. Zemo looked away rather shamefully.
"I am truly sorry James."
"I know." Bucky said, sitting up, and leaning over to see Zemo's face.
"I'm not mad, I'm just letting you know for future reference that it hurts my feelings."
"You're feelings... I'm sorry James. I would hate for your feelings to be hurt." Zemo said with a bit of mockery before standing up, and walking towards his room. Bucky sighed, and stood up.
"It's just that they are my friends, I am sorry about what happened Zemo, and you know that! They made a mistake, everyone does! You've made mistakes!" Bucky said, pointing at Zemo for a moment.
"Maybe that was because of the mistake they made first, but it's still all just a big unfortunate mistake!" He lifted his arms for a moment before they dropped to his sides.
"I forgive you, Sam forgives you, and his family. You protected them at the risk of your own life! Can't you try to forgive? For me if not for yourself!"
"You sound like Raynor."
"Yeah, well that's before she's right! These last few visits she's talked to you about forgiveness, and you aren't even interested in trying, but if you did you'd feel better I know it, please." Bucky sounded desperate. Zemo was rather surprised. I can't forget, or forgive what they did to my home, and my family. James needs me to... I need to, but how? He squeezed his eyes shut.
"You act like you were the only one affected by what happened in sokovia! Wanda lost her brother, and so many others lost loved ones. Every sokovian lost their home! Not just you Zemo!"
"I know that James!" Zemo whipped around angrily.
"Then act like it! You said people steal, or are stolen from, you've been robbed, and you have robbed. It wasn't personal, they weren't trying to kill anyone, you made it personal by choosing to be the one who robbed that day you bombed the meeting!" Bucky snapped back. Zemo was quiet, and looked down at the floor. 
"I'm sorry about what I said on the couch. I wasn't thinking. It's just that, I always try to take your feelings into consideration, and I expect the same in return." Bucky put it firmly. He crossed his arms over his chest. He noticed Zemo's shoulders bouncing, and heard him attempting to cry silently. Bucky sighed, and dropped his arms. He rolled his eyes, and crossed the distance between them, and wrapped his arms around zemo, placing his right hand on the baron's head.
"I hate having to get loud with you, and I hate seeing you cry." Bucky's tone was now near a whisper.
"I love you, I am not angry, I just want to help you." He said stroking Zemo's hair. Zemo nodded, face now buried in Bucky's chest.
"There was one more thing I wanted to talk about."
"What is it?" Zemo's voice was muffled.
"Do you want to go visit the memorial?" Bucky asked gently. Zemo looked up at him.
"Sokovia?"
"Yes, of course. You've only got to visit one time. After the flag smashers ordeal. You need to visit again, as a free man... With me.
"With you?"
"Yes. If- If you want." Bucky blush.
"I do." He nodded.
"Alright. Let's sit down, and snuggle, and I'll look at flights." Bucky took Zemo's hand, and they stepped over to the couch together, and sat down. Zemo curled up, and leaned against Bucky again. Bucky pulled up his phone, and began to search for flights.
"I can pay.., or I can call Ozenik, and he can fly us."
"He's like ancient though."
"He can still fly a plane."
"Yeah but it would be best if we didn't take a private plane."
"Why? "
"It might look suspicious."
"To who?"
"The government." Bucky said as if he were pointing out the obvious. Zemo nodded. He knew this, but tried to push using his plane anyway.
"If our names are on a flight log our government will be happy, and know we aren't trying to do anything under the radar, but hydra will also know where we are, and that we are not home." Zemo tensed up at the thought. Bucky nodded as he found a flight, and booked it.
"I know you're worried about Alpine, and Mrs. Jones, but I don't think they will come here. If anything they would follow us."
"Or come here, and destroy our home, and kill our family, to lure us to them." Zemo replied. Bucky sighed. He didn't like that thought.
"It would just be a day trip. We fly out in the morning, and back that night."
"Okay." Zemo was a little less paranoid now.
"I'll have Peter come watch the apartment for us. If anything happens he'll take care of it."
"Okay." Zemo nodded again.
"Alright. Next week, we'll go to the memorial."
"I want to go to their graves too. I know where they are. I want to introduce you, and show you where I am from."
"I'd like that." Bucky said, wrapping his arms around Zemo again.
"How about we get some flowers, and anything else you want to decorate the site with?"
"Please." Zemo nodded, and closed his eyes.
"Anything you want." Bucky hummed softly. Anything.