Drown ✔

two

🎶 Wherever you are by 5SOS 🎶
🎶Jet Black Heart by 5SOS🎶

It's been two weeks since I left him alone in the middle of London.

I've never received any calls or even texts from him since I left the airport that day. And when I tried to call, it just went straight to the voicemail, and if I send him a text, he never replied.

I wish I didn't have to be gone, and sometimes I was wondering 'Maybe he's already moved on' and I wondered who was that lucky guy, but the truth is I don't want to know.

It just hurts so bad, I really thought if I moved away I'd easily forget him, but it's just getting harder and I can't hold up. I actually can't stop crying for the first week here and my sister keeps reassuring me that everything will be okay again, that Gulf and I will be back together again, and things like that. I really hope it was true, but I don't even know if I can survive this day.

I know I'm the one that made this decision, and I also know that I'm the one that choose to leave, but I've never thought it'd be this hard. I can't imagine how my decision affects Gulf. I left him behind with no one by his side in the middle of such a busy and big city.

I look at my phone's wallpaper sadly, smiling with tears in my eyes because of the picture.

We both were so happy there, both of us smiling cheekily at the camera and if I slide open my phone, the picture is when I kiss his cheek and he was smiling widely showing the small cute gap on his front teeth will make its appearance.

I wish that I can stop time and rewind it so I could back to this moment. We were so goddamn happy and every people that saw us always said that we were the perfect couple. I hope what they said is true.

I clicked on his contact and wait for it patiently, praying to God he'll answer this time. But life is never fair and will never be, it keeps going to the voicemail.

"Hey, Gulf. It's me, Mew. Uh um, I just wanna say that I still love you, and I really wish you still love me too. I'm sorry that I leave you, and um... I'm not doing any better too actually. I feel like I was torn in two you know, and I know that I shouldn't tell you but I just... can't stop thinking of you, wherever you are Gulf, and uh... I'm sorry that I keep blowing your phone with my calls and texts, I love you Gulf and I'm sorry." I said and click it send.

I hope he'll hear it soon.

Gulf's POV

"Hey, Gulf. It's me, Mew. Uh um, I just wanna say that I still love you, and I really wish you still love me too. I'm sorry that I leave you, and um... I'm not doing any better too actually. I feel like I was torn in two you know, and I know that I shouldn't tell you but I just... can't stop thinking of you, wherever you are Gulf, and uh... I'm sorry that I keep blowing your phone with my calls and texts, I love you Gulf and I'm sorry."

I broke down into another section of sobbing while holding onto the red flannel he gave me a long time ago, it still smells like him and it just makes me miss him even more.

It's been three weeks since he left, three weeks since I'm all alone in the middle of this big city called London, three weeks since a part of me was taken away and also three weeks full of sobbing and drinking.

Every fire that I've ignited now faded to grey.

I know that what I did was wrong, and I know that it also broke him but I was so selfish and he does too by keeping doing it.

I realised that no matter how much 'sorry' we've said to each other, it will never ever make him forgive me, and if I did forgive myself, I will never ever forget it.

It just hurt so much, I was too caught up in the moment until I didn't realise how much it hurts him that time. I was so stupid to do such a thing to such an angel like him. An angel that also broke his promise and hurt me badly but nonetheless still make me love him more and more day by day.
But now that I'm broken, now that he left me, I just realised how fucked up I am and how shitty I am towards him. Now that he left me, it feels like I just got slapped in the face with a car that brought me back to reality.

And because I've got a jet-black heart, I caused the hurricane to appear underneath us and made it trying to keep us apart. Now I'm holding on for dear life, but I know for sure there's no way that we could rewind.

I listen to his voicemail again and again and re-read all the messages he sent to me. The tears keep streaming down my face while I read it and take another gulp of the alcohol.

I debate with myself whether I should reply or not. I haven't replied to any of his messages and I didn't even get the guts to answer his calls.
I know that we promised each other to still be friends, but I can't even talk to him without going into another fit of sobbing. I actually am glad that he's not really, really leaving me behind and still trying to contact me, but it just hurts to know that I can't call him mine anymore.

I thought it would be best if I just ignore the messages and calls, but when he said he's not doing any better too and he feels like he was torn in two, I just broke even more because I know I'm the cause of it and I'm so desperate to fix everything, I've tried my best, but it's not enough and that means I need to try harder but I don't know-how. I'm too lost to function properly.

He said that he knows he shouldn't tell me about this but he can't help but can't stop thinking of me wherever I am, I still can feel my heart fluttering at his words, and can't help but blush and cry even more. I still love this boy so much and it hurt. Not just me but both of us.