Red past | Charles Leclerc

Car rides are weird

Charles POV

I feel like that 20 year old I once was, Spending every second I could with Mila driving around Monte Carlo to escape the houses that barricaded us from who we were. Even after you become an adult mistakes are inevitable, everyone knows it. I know that well enough. Driving in the car around the streets that I could recite with ease with the one person that I once thought was the girl I would love forever, the girl that was there for me throughout the ups and downs of my life and career, and yet still allowed herself to be one of the best people I knew sent a calming chill down my spine.

The silence was killing me, I sat in the one place I felt most comfortable, behind a steering wheel with the first person I ever loved and yet I hated it with every fiber of my being. I remember everything, all of it. The supporting words she whispered in my ear before races, the familiarity of her presence, the way her eyes shone when she spoke about anything she was passionate about. But now I felt like a complete stranger, like one of the people you get stuck next to when on a flight, I don't want to be one of those people especially not to her but I guess your future changes after every choice you make.

"Mila?" I spoke at an almost silent tone trying to hide the anxiety in my voice as the words shook out of my mouth.

"Yeah?" She copied an identical tone to mine.

"I don't want this..." I gestured to the space between us while keeping my eyes set on the road, "The tension, it makes me feel like the world isn't spinning."

Yes I know that that didn't make a whole lot of sense but when she wasn't in my life everything was strange and out of place but having her in my life with the regret and tension of our past hanging over us makes me feel like my whole life is shattering into a thousand pieces.

"I hate the tension too Charles," She almost seemed relieved after the words slipped from her mouth.

"How are we going to fix it though?" I felt nervous to hear the answer, my hands eager to fiddle with the bracelet that sat around my wrist in anticipation.

"I think that it will get easier over time."

This whole situation is my fault. Yes, I offered to drive her home but the break up was also on me and I own up to that as one the mistakes I will regret for the rest of my life.

We sat with an awkward silence between us as I pulled up to the building in which she lives.

"I'll see you sometime over the next week I'm guessing. We keep running into each other," she giggles awkwardly as she spoke the last six words.

The noise rang through my brain trying to savour the one thing that used to make my whole body relax as it made her presence so much more real.

"Yeah, I guess I'll see you around."

I watched as she walked to the door before driving away from the building, increasing the space that held between us.

Maybe going back to being friends won't be so bad.

~

Arriving at my apartment, I decided to check my phone for the first time since we landed in Monaco.

I just closed my phone and threw it onto the sofa. I'm not in the mood for her to start saying that we don't spend enough time together as a couple. That's what the conversation always turns into, her blaming me for the lack of intimacy we've had even though she is the one that's always leaving me. We agreed when we started dating that it would be difficult given the circumstances of our jobs and she said "I'll go where ever you go," In the six months that we have been dating she has been to 2 of my races, that including the last race of the previous season.

Every time she either doesn't feel well or had to go to a different country for a shoot but yet I warned her of my travelling but yet I'm still in the wrong.

I'm always the one compromising for her, and putting my job on the line to spend time with her but yet I'm still not good enough.

I was a slight bit disappointed having to reject the offer but I would rather not be a part of the awkward encounter of Amanda meeting Mila for the first time.

Being in an apartment alone with conflicting emotions on what to do gets slightly boring, just sitting contemplating your next move. I never was one at being good at passing time, whenever we needed to do something to make the speed of realty increase, I never gave suggestions but I guess we all can't be good at everything.

I decided to call pierre, he had gone to France for the week before the race to visit his family. Something that almost every driver was doing during their short break.

I could already feel that the week would fly by quicker than anticipated, cutting our time to relax short.