Handplates!Gaster x female!reader|| Giving a Piece of Me

The Guilt

2 years later..

"You gotta stop blaming yourself for what happened, Gaster. I know this is hard, but this guilt is eating you alive."

You rubbed his back gently as he swayed back and forth.

'As if you are one to talk. You come by almost every three days, complaining about nightmares.'

You flinched slightly and shrugged. He was right. But of course, you wouldn't admit that.

"At least I am getting better though. I have nice dreams from time to time as well and I also don't suffer from these panic attacks that you occasionally have. Seriously, if someone is unlucky, they might seriously get injured."

Gaster sighed and ran his hands over his face.

"You are also working way too hard and constantly stressing yourself out. I heard from others you are sometimes up all night, working on things. It's not doing you any good."

'I don't want to go to sleep. When I sleep, I risk getting these nightmares again. When I don't sleep, I at least pass out in a way, that I don't dream.'

You groaned and gave him a light slap against the back of his skull. Gaster flinched and rubbed the spot where you hit him, glaring at you. You ignored him and laid down, releasing a deep sigh. The water was gently splashing behind you both and you closed your eyes to, at least for once, not see only purple walls. You heard shuffling and Gaster laid down with you.

"Apart from nightmares and all that...what is your actual dream?", you randomly asked into the quiet.

For a moment there was silence, then Gaster's magic hands floated into your view:
'I want to find a way to break the barrier. With my knowledge, I can maybe find a solution someday.'

"Sounds like a plan."

You stretched out your hand and tried to reach for the sky, imagining what was lying above you. The clear blue skies, the soft wind and the warm tingles of sunlight on your skin. The last time you had felt these things was 5 years ago but it still felt like it was yesterday. Even though the sky seemed so distant now, you hadn't given up yet.
Even if you wouldn't live to see it anymore, you were sure that someday the monsters can return to the surface.
They deserve a happy ending more than anyone.

"I wonder how life is moving on up there.."

Gaster grunted:
'They are probably still celebrating their victory and made it an official day to celebrate. Maybe even a whole week was dedicated to this moment.'

You bit the inside of your cheek. Everything regarding the war and humans was a rather sensitive topic for Gaster to talk about.
He almost immediately grows resentful and angry.

"What if they forgot about us?"
Gaster snorted.

'As if they would ever forget about the day they cowardly attacked us out of nowhere and overpowered us almost immediately.'

You sighed. Yes, the war was anything but fair. The humans attacked when least expected and since their souls were so much stronger than a monster's you couldn't even call this a real or fair fight. You turned your head to look at Gaster laying there. His chest was rising evenly up and down.

"I don't think I will be much help to the Underground...", you said with a bitter tone in your voice.
"I don't really have the life span to hold out for this long or the capabilities to really change things. But...", you took a deep breath in and out:

"If that would help you...When I am...no longer here. I want you to take my soul and use it for your research or anything like that. I won't be around to see the barrier being destroyed but maybe...just maybe, I can contribute in one way or another in destroying it."

It ached your heart to say this out loud but you had thought about this quite a lot beforehand so you wanted to propose this idea to your friend when you felt like the time was right.

Anxiously, you waited for a response but nothing came.

"Gaster?", you rolled onto your stomach and pushed yourself slightly off the ground to get a better look at Gaster's face.
His eyes were closed and he was snoring softly.

You couldn't help but smile as you saw him laying there like that.

"Maybe another day then..."

He seemed to sleep so peacefully and you were happy that you were giving him this kind of comfort and safety. You quietly sat up and took off your coat to roll it up into a pillow. You gently lifted Gaster's skull and put the coat beneath it.

Then you just sat there, silently. Resting your body against the cold stone wall behind you, you were left alone with your thoughts and you lost yourself in your daydreams.

Soft footsteps approached you both and you heard a familiar voice calling for you. "[Y/N]? Gaster? Oh, there you-", you shushed Toriel by putting your finger over your lips. She instantly stopped dead in her tracks and looked down at Gaster, who was still sleeping safe and sound.

Toriel smiled, then looked at you and whispered: "I wanted to see you both to look at the stone tablets, that I prepared. They hold the history of the war between humans and monsters, since it is one that I think shall not be forgotten. Please, join me as soon as you can."

You nodded and she walked away again, leaving you and Gaster alone.

After some more minutes, you couldn't bare to sit there and do nothing so you decided to head to Toriel and look at her stone tablets. You slowly scooted next to Gaster and gently whispered to him that you would go and look for Toriel. It slightly woke him enough to respond with a small nod, then he fell asleep again.

You giggled a little and got up, but before you could fully stand on your feet, Gaster had grabbed your hand. He was still fast asleep and nuzzled his boney forehead against it, taking a deep and relaxed breather.

You were slightly taken back by this action, but you immediately tried to remove his hand without waking him up. After a few seconds, you made him let go and you fully got up and stepped away. With one last glance, you left the room and headed to Toriel.
.
.
.
"You seem to mean a lot to him.", Toriel said, her back still turned to you when you entered the almost fully finished castle for Toriel and Asgore. The hall was giant and pretty much empty but eventually monsters of all kind could fill it with more life. "What do you mean, your majesty?", you asked in confusion. Toriel sighed and turned around: "I told you, not to call me that. We are family."

You laughed a little. The look on her face always amused you when you called her majesty.

"I am sorry, but the temptation."

"It's alright, child. Now, please." She turned around and pointed to the stone tablets that were spread out on the floor.
You stepped closer and started reading the texts on each of them.

"But I do mean it. I have never seen him sleep that comfortably before. He truly must feel safe with you."

"You're talking about Gaster?" Toriel nodded and you shifted your attention to her instead.

"I have seen both of you grow up since we are trapped down here and Gaster never really slept, since the nightmares and trauma were plaguing him almost every night. And even when he slept, it was never this...peaceful."

Toriel approached you and hugged you tightly: "I was so worried that all these scars would never heal for both of you. And I am so proud of you that you overcame your own burdens and fears yourself."

She let go of you and smiled at you brightly. Then her expression darkened slightly. "Gaster was so ridden by guilt and fear, I was afraid he would never get better. He hated you and humankind. I was seriously worried that your presence would just make everything worse for him. But you both somehow overcame your differences and now you have a beautiful and strong bond. Gaster is blossoming and he is such a good soul. With your help, he was brought back to life, and he is such a good and kind young man. And you have grown so much as well." Tears built up in Toriel's eyes and she gently patted your head.

"I am so proud of both of you."

You couldn't help but smile too.