Handplates!Gaster x female!reader|| Giving a Piece of Me

Fifth Stage

{Handplates chapter reference: fifth stage}

“ⱤɄ₦! ⱤɄ- ₳ⱧⱧⱧⱧ"

“₱ⱠɆ₳₴Ɇ ₦Ø – ł ĐØ₦'₮ ₩₳₦₮ ₮Ø ĐłɆ-“

“ł Ⱨ₳VɆ ₳ ₵ⱧłⱠĐ! ₱ⱠɆ₳₴Ɇ ⱧɆⱠ₱ ₥Ɇ! ₴Ø₥ɆØ₦Ɇ ⱧɆⱠ₱ Ʉ₴! ₦ØØ-"

"Entry Number XXX:

Over and over again, I have stood by and cowered helplessly while people I loved suffered and died in front of me."

Gaster recently found himself having more nightmares about the events from back in the war.

He heard the screams of his family, his friends…all of those that fell in the war while he was helplessly hiding away. Cowering on the floor, hiding his face in his hands and shaking uncontrollably as the screams went louder and louder until they suddenly died.

Cut off…and out of existence.

It was almost as if something was pulling him back in time. You were the one grounding him, making him look forward to the future and helping him through his trauma but now it all came crashing back down on him again.
He was barely himself anymore, seeming to revert more and more into his past self as the days passed.

Maybe it was just the emotional baggage he had to carry.
Maybe it was the insane sense of guilt and uncertainty that made him feel like that.
Maybe it was the weight of his choices that he made and is about to make.

Whatever it was, something was constantly nagging him, driving him further and further away from his rational thinking.

"I watched families be destroyed and said nothing, did nothing to prevent it."

Gaster thought of the countless times where he silently observed Chara when he came over.
Watched how that human casually had a toy knife in their hand and pinched the tip of it repeatedly. Gaster was trying to not be too judgemental because they were a child and also wanted to give them a chance for your sake but something about Chara always put him off.

He thought of the time where Asgore walked to the podest and announced in his blind range that no human shall ever be spared again after what humans have done to Asriel.

A choice that later also caused the disappearance of the Queen.

Gaster had found her crown only a little time later, laying on the floor and no trace of her left anywhere. She has probably hidden somewhere but chances are that maybe she perished after all this time.

Who knew what the humans that fell down here had done to her?

"The dust is on my shoulders. Again and again, I've stood by and watched these tragedies happen, unable to care enough to try and prevent them.

Time is rapidly running out.
This will be my last chance to try and do something.
To justify my continued existence at others' expense."

Sometimes Gaster found himself daydreaming. He vividly saw the pile of dust that was towering right in front of him.

All the lives that had been taken because of his actions and choices.

No more.

"I am capable of doing something.
I may not succeed but I can still act. Doing so will destroy my life, but I can still make that choice.

I am running out of time.
Am I willing to risk everything on this long-shot?
Either way, in the end, I will lose what I love.