The Irish's Sanity

Chapter Twenty Four

I forgave myself -I would always try and forgive myself after letting him get the pleasure of seeing me on my knees before him because every single time the Viking man touched me every sensical thing lost it's sense. I didn't understand nor could I control it -I tried but I always failed. I didn't want him to see the euphoria he easily brought me -I did not want to give him the satisfaction.

Even after putting me through everything he wasn't touched in anyway. I remember breaking down in his arms after he had rearranged my insides as we were laying in bed my head on his chest his fingers gently glazing over his 'mark'. I had asked if he wasn't even going to somewhat apologise, he had simply chuckled asking me what was there to apologise for, he had clearly stated that if I continued to test him I would find myself in worse predicaments before gently kissing my forehead.

He doesn't deserve to be free- he deserved to be behind bars and spending the reminder of his life being haunted by the lives he has took. I'm sure if I was to tell him that he wouldn't be as affected as I wanted him to be- I didn't even want him dead I just wanted justice- I wanted to be free again, I don't think that was too much to ask for.

I looked at the rich soil before me feeling somewhat good -something I hadn't felt like in the past three days. I spent most of my time here -it helped me calm down in a way and I could not take comfort in Annie because all I wanted to do was cry in her arms and beg for a way out. I removed my gloves -I had only spent no less then fifteen minutes here just observing-I had put on the gloves just in case I needed to do anything.

I looked at the garden once more admiring it before deciding to head inside I paused on my tracks realising I would have to pass Irene and her henchwoman they have really shown me how much they hated me in the past two days. I wasn't in any shape to stand my ground I felt broken. I was still battling the panic attack I felt when I would see water in a bath. Irene recognised my fear and she ran them for me on purpose.

I was honestly using too much energy to not drop unconsciousness in front of the Viking man I didn't have any left for anything else. When I entered the room they first made remarks in Gaelic laughing and pointing but now it was in English they made sure I knew. Yesterday I broke down in front of her before excusing myself. I was disappointed in myself for allowing those tears to fall but what she said made everything worse my wound was still fresh.

You get drowned once and you act like Queen Elizabeth. He should have never let you fucking live.

I shouldn't have let her get to me but it stung - from running the baths I knew she knew and she enjoyed it but what I didn't understand was how she still was jealous that the Viking man kidnapped me. She knew he was a monster but she still was after him. It didn't make sense to me. I was emotionally weak. I took in a deep breath trying to prepare myself.

This -this was worse. I didn't mind doing majority of the things around the house which I do now -which she is supposed to be doing but emotionally I couldn't take it. As I passed them I could see the raw hatred in their eyes -they didn't hide it. I didn't care that they would call me out of my name so long as they didn't poke at the wounds concerning Lachlan because those wounds would never heal -they hurt the most.

As much I wanted to be far from Lachlan I contemplated on telling him but feared things turning out bad for me, I feared making him mad. I shut my eyes before heading inside needing a shower. I had been outside the entire day. I didn't waste anytime heading upstairs whilst trying to calm my mind. I would do their job I didn't mind so long as there is peace.

...

I looked at the stacks of dishes I had just washed. They were clean and dried. I ate dinner alone today the Viking man apologised for his absence, after dinner I had loads of dishes waiting for me. I was personally told to wash them and not just be a waste of space. She was being beyond bold, but I still didn't want to piss of anyone in a household where I had no one in my corner well aside from Annie, right now the fact that I was taking this even made me feel more pathetic.