The Irish's Sanity

Chapter Thirty Four

Sorry for the grammatical errors. This is long overdue.

I will admit the Cliffs were beautiful, they were a magnificent sight. I was able to calm myself down after witnessing what I did. I had to, Lachlan wasn't human and didn't understand. The site or them reminded me of home, our country side home to be exact, with the most beautiful soil I have ever seen, I have traveled quite a few places but no place equated to home. For a moment Lachlan wasn't a psychopath, for a minute as he held me in his arms as we felt the wind brush against our skin looking at the bewitching view, I could breathe. Respiration felt normal, his masculine scent didn't drive fear into my heart instead I relished in it without much thought. I wished I could lose my mind because I knew it was just a matter of time before reality set in. I wished we could have stayed there.

Especially now, my heart yearned for that view once more and to ask as if the past three days were nothing but a distant dream. I looked at the letters I had torn up hours ago. I had been so anxious and worried about my appointment that I feared I would forget all I wanted to say so I wrote everything down. I also poured my heart out. I sighed looking at the shreds. Anything seemed possible at the Cliffs, time was stagnant. A perfect escape.

At that time with or without Lachlan it seemed promising.

But alas my life was a twisted tale where there was no happy ending just damnation -I prayed and awaited for the part where I'm supposed to lose my memory and start over and properly fall in love with him- The loss of memory in dark romance tropes were not exactly my favourite but now seeing as I was in a world I thought was magical and exciting -my naivety left a bad taste in my mouth -that trope was my redemption.

I loved the darkness, but clearly I didn't even begin to understand what that was and what it meant. Lachlan could be sitting doing something as simple as writing something down in his office yet I could feel it anyone for that matter, radiating of it. It was alluring and terrifying at the same time. There was no in between.

I recall an instance in my studio where I contemplated on knocking one of my vases over my head. I failed to. My eyes moved to the car driving up the driveway - I recognised it, it was the car that usually took the maids to the supermarket, my heart yearned for what they had. I blinked a few times looking away, my eyes connecting with the box of empty tissues I had finished at a certain point. A dead end.

It's been a dreadful three days.

I could mentally see the block wall my mind was attempting to put up. I went through all of the stages of loss in a matter of a few hours. I thought that day would be a different day - I wasn't that naive to think of happiness in what Lachlan didn't approve off. I had to pull myself together. I regretted allowing myself to hope once gain. I had been looking forward to this day counting the hours, minutes and seconds. Light at the end of the tunnel. The appointment had been set. I felt numb that morning, I had woke up four hours earlier and got ready, Lachlan was wearing a tie that day, I tied it for him.

He didn't need to ask me where I was going I updated him, I remember being too nervous to keep silent with running thoughts in my head. He was not a man of many questions or words. He simply asked me if there was anything else I needed before kissing me and leaving me when I had replied no. I already knew all the rules and I knew he wouldn't repeat them.

The thought of hearing my sister's voice had kept me up for majority of the night I had to try by all means to sleep to avoid suspicion. At that moment my excitement was riddled with fear. What would she say, what would I say. Was she okay, what if she wasn't okay. What if he finds out, would I be putting my sister's life in danger. I didn't care much about mine. Despite the questions I knew I had to do it.