The Wounded Wing

Chapter 4: Pity

It felt like I was drowning in an ocean. Where by every inch, the weight of water was crushing my bones, by every second I could feel the reducing levels of oxygen, where as I went deeper the sunlight went on reducing and it kept getting darker and darker.

I wanted to be left alone. In that very ocean and wanted the darkness to succumb me, I wanted the tonnes of water to crush me completely.

But I wasn't physically in an ocean. I was mentally in an ocean. And these mental oceans they aren't merciful like the physical ones. They suck out every drop of life from your soul, they make you want to find a physical one to drown into.

All this was already too much to handle, and ruining it more came Casey.

Casey James is my bestfriend. On any normal day her presence would've made me happy but not now.

She was selected in her dream college for which I was happy from the bottom of my heart. But I don't want people who don't understand how I feel one but to tell me that I'm overreacting and I shouldn't be feeling this way, etc. etc.

I don't understand why people are so hell bent to guide you emotionally when they don't know what to speak.

She started:-

"Hey Claireiee!! Cheer up buddy. See leave it. You are better than that. C'mon, let's find something else. I can understand how you feel but this is a very very small thing to cry so much about."

I got up and said, screamed actually, "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!! FIRST OF ALL YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW I'M FEELING SO STOP SAYING THAT. WHY SHOULD I FIND SOMETHING ELSE IF THIS WAS MY DREAM? I DESERVED IT BECAUSE I WORKED HARD FOR IT. WHEN EVERYONE ELSE WAS PARTYING AROUND ME I WAS WORKING HARD. AND IF IT WAS THIS SMALL THEN WHY CAN'T I JUST HAVE IT. I MEAN SMALL THINGS ARE EASY TO HAVE AND GET, RIGHT? THEN WHY CAN'T I HAVE ONE THING THAT I DREAMT MY ENTIRE LIFE ABOUT?!!!!!

Mom entered my room, Casey got up and left. My mom was really furious.

Now the situation was destined to get worse.

My mom kept one saying things like, "one of your cousins worked harder than you he didn't get the enrollment he should be sad." Or "that college was for extremely bright children, you were never upto the mark." Or "if you think you are so capable then drop this year and keeping dropping out until and unless you get to that damn college!!!"

I stared at her in disbelief.

Then she continued, "you know what? to be honest, I think you didn't prepare hard enough for the admission."

I protested, "If you thought so, why didn't you say something while the preparation time, till the point I was your star kid, who was about to get admitted, everything I did was correct and now when I failed, you think that my hardwork was unworthy?!!"

"Claire Hemsworth, just shut the hell up!!!!"

I was numb now. She left the room and slammed the door shut.

I slipped on my bed and sat still, I had no expression, I felt nothing.

Then suddenly that one thought, that one idea which I kept pushing aside, entered my consciousness and started spreading in my brain.

I was looking at my window big enough for me to fit and slip. I tried to push that thought again.

However, this time I wasn't completely sure that, the thought left my consciousness or not.

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