The Wounded Wing

Chapter 3: Chaos

My mom found me lying on the floor, passed out. She got scared, she immediately rushed towards me and started shaking me. Unfortunately, I wasn't dead, yet. I got up.

When I looked at my mom's face, I felt reluctance, I wanted her to not say a word, I knew what was about to come and I also knew I didn't want to hear any of it. I knew that it wouldn't help but worsen everything.

But if things happened in accordance to my will till that extent, I wouldn't have been lying on that floor like that. She spoke, everything that I already knew, everything that I knew wouldn't help.

Now, you guys would be like that 'I am so rude' and that 'I don't respect my mother's concern'. But, I wasn't supposed to be there, I wasn't supposed to be surrounded by people pitying on me, I don't need their pity. I was supposed to be surrounded by people appreciating me, congratulating me.

And nothing such was happening so isn't my reluctance or withdrawal justified?

My mom said,"c'mon Claire it wasn't that big a deal, life has innumerable kinds of joy."

Well, I said nothing, I knew saying anything which was going on in my head, would have only hurt my mom. So I chose the best reply available to mankind - silence.

Although, my mind wasn't considerate enough about me. My mind threw all kinds of chaos I could have managed to survive.

While my mom was busy explaining the games of destiny to me, my mind was busy telling me that 'it is easy to say all this when you are a successful stock broker, like who have always wanted to be'.

I felt stifled, as if I was drowning.

At that moment a thought popped up in my head, a thought that I never expected will address me. The idea of dying.

Then immediately I became aware of where I was, I looked at my mom sitting in front of me, tenderly holding my hand. I pushed that thought outside my head.

***
Few more days went by and the world worked as it use to. It wore the same normality as always. However, my life paused at the same place where I was standing on thousand thorns.

I haven't eaten anything for quite a time, my mom occasionally forces me into few bites, she even gives me frequent reminders that, I was supposed to drink water.

But she has no control over my sleep, as in she can't force me into falling asleep. So, I don't remember when was the last last time I slept. The enormous eye bags and dark circles were a proof to that.

Throughout all these days, that unexpected thought has visited me many a times. And now, it is becoming difficult to push.

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