The Wounded Wing

Chapter 5: Blood

I was standing in a dark corridor, where there were a lot of strangers who were booing at me. I started panicking, I was running here and there until I fell of a raised platform. Then I immediately woke up.

My throat was weirdly dry, and no amount of water was able to quench my thirst. My legs were trembling. I held the wall for support. It felt like all the air had left the surroundings.

With great effort I reached for the door, to ask mom for help, then I overheard her talking on phone. She was talking to Casey.

"I don't know what to do with her anymore", she sighed.

There was a pause, probably Casey was adding something to the conversation.

"She is not at all behaving the way she used to. I know it must be so hard for her but I'm also a person. Her behaviour is bothering me and I'm just so much tired of trying to cheer her up, she just doesn't respond to any of it." Added my mother.

She didn't see me and left the apartment for work continuing the conversation until she became inaudible.

My breathlessness increased. My head started throbbing with pain, infact every single cell of my body was hurting as hell. I felt like walls were collapsing on me.

My hand, my legs all felt powerless.

Every single day of my hardwork, all the sacrifices made, all the fun that I missed, my childhood dream, my aspirations, my mother's expectations, my own expectations, my future, every single thing collapsed in front of my eyes and I was able to do nothing just stand and stair as it all went down in the abyss.

I wasn't thinking much, all I wanted was this feeling of worthlessness to stop. With shaking legs, I got up taking the support of the wall. I walked with wall's support and went to the kitchen.

It was very difficult to stand. I was still wasn't able to breathe.

As I searched throughout the kitchen, all the spoons fell and I fell too. Then I held the drawer's handle and got up with great effort. I searched through the kitchen again. Every single second appeared like a burden on my existence. As well as, with every passing second I felt I was a burden on everyone I ever loved. I wanted this feeling to stop at any cost.

Then I finally found it. I pulled out a knife and took it to my room.

I locked the door shut and sat on my bed.

My heart felt like it was gonna pop out of my chest. I was struggling to get even a single drop of oxygen.

With trembling hands I held the knife, I held my other hand out infront, made a fist. Then at the exact point where my nerves started making a dendritic pattern in my hand I swiftly made a cut.

Blood started oozing out immediately and I felt a strange relief. It felt like pressure was coming out of my body, or maybe it was the relaxation that came with the realisation that I will never have to feel pain again.

It was burning but it felt weirdly relaxing and good. I made another cut just below it.

The blood made it's way to my elbow and few drops fell on my shirt.

Then another thought popped in my head. What if someone finds me like this? What if mom comes back before I'm dead? I started panicking again. My newly found relief disappeared.

Then I looked out of my window. Ofcourse, it would be a better and quicker way to end all this. I will go swiftly.

I got up and reached for my window. I stood at the window sill and looked down. I could feel the cold pleasant breeze on my face, a drop of tear escaped my eyes and kissed my cheek.

Then with determination in my heart I bid my farewell to the world and to all my pains and miseries and closed my eyes.

Then very slowly my feet left the window sill.

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