The Wounded Wing

Chapter 6: Heaven

When I opened my eyes I saw eye numbing whiteness.

Was this heaven?

Apparently not.

I realised this gut wrenching fact as a nurse injected something in my arm.

GOD!!!!!!!!

I groaned, not in pain just at my useless existence. I'm so worthless that I can't even die properly.

Everyone was staring at me, as if I was some wanted terrorist.

I couldn't see properly, my head felt like it had tonnes of bricks inside it.

I hate my life. I hate every single minute of it.

Then in that blurry vision, I saw my mom weeping, her eyes were red as if she was weeping blood. She was sobbing softly as if making sure her cry doesn't disturb my sleep or whatever state I was in.

I was already a burden on her, now this would've made her shoulders heavier. If my broken heart had the capacity to break any further it did right now.

I wanted to console her, as if the one who hurt her was someone else. I wanted to say something, literally anything to make this all better but I couldn't. All the words left my mouth, it was as barren as the garden of hope in my life.

My heart was pounding again. I could hear the ECG beeps increasing. The nurse rushed to me. I was in so much pain. Every bone in my body ached. A drop of year escaped my eye.

I initiated my hand for my mother, as a child scared of darkness would do. However her eyes were digging through an already wet handkerchief. I so much wished for my death.

I woke up again, not sure after how many hours but I did woke up. My mother was not crying now, however, anyone could hear her heart crying it's soul out.

She didn't say much, infact just three words, "why Claire why?"

To this I had no answers, I wish I did.

I don't think any measure of words have the capacity to explain, why and how a person becomes so helpless that they are left with no other option but to end themselves.

***

Apart from a teenage suicide case another emergency was struck at that hospital, that day.
A train crash victims were brought in here. So many of them that we had to share wards.

Now my life was getting worse moment after moment.

So I was supposed to share my room with this wierd bearded man. In his late 40s probably.

He had a leg and both of his arms broken. He looked educated and intellectual but he talked a lot. Adding to my misfortune.

My mother was asked to leave after the visiting hours got over. She still looked disappointed and sad as if I actually died today. I didn't, though I knew a part of me and her did die today, and I wish I could make it relive in some way.

***

The guy next to me was named Jesper Hernandez.

He was the most annoying person I ever saw. He kept talking and talking and talking. As if every thought that striked his mind had a direct connection with his mouth.

At last the nurses injected God knows what in him, so that he sleeps.

God please have some mercy on my soul.

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