walking amongst the dead (TWD x reader)

Part 14

Y/N pov

Vermin.

That's what I had come to think of 90% of the living population, they were riddled with germs and had no concept of compassion. They were fake, full of lies. They would turn their back on their own offspring if it meant living another day.

I knew this.

God I witnessed it first hand. I knew how all humans acted and yet I still held few close to my cold rotten heart.

They were family.

Friends.... lovers or were they just a placeholder for something I longed for.

What did I really want?

To be human? no God no I already was but I was better, I was dead I had no need for pesky emotions to cloud my judgment.... no need to feel things.... so why?

Why am I feeling this way?

What am I feeling?

What is happening to me?

Looking down at my hands a broken shaky breath escaped my lips while my eyes widened... Blood.

A sickly sweet colour I had come to love, crave, want.... need. And yet why is it now that I look into this pool of crimson, why do I feel no such lust why do I feel disgust... repulsed and sick to my stomach?

"No.1 congratulations on eliminating the threat" 

I looked up to the 'Doctor' who towered over me and nodded swallowing a thick lump that formed in my throat at the use of my name or at least that's what I told myself to make the number have less of an effect.

I was Y/N L/N that's the name I chose for myself when I left that wretched place.

My mouth had suddenly gone dry as I blinked and the man had disappeared replaced by nothing, air... a figment of my imagination?

Am I going mad?

Looking back down to my hands the blood had gone only to be replaced by cold running water 'What is happening?' I thought scrubbing my skin red raw with a flannel and soap 'I hate it' I grit my teeth clenching my eyes shut scrubbing harder before slamming the flannel into the mirror that hung above the sink creating a wet slap upon impact.

 'I really am pathetic' 

Hand reaching for my hair tugging at the roots I sighed looking at my reflection, just a hollow shell of what I once was... no I never was a thing was I? just a test subject... I had no life to begin with all because of them!

What were they? Fucking human that's what.... hideous creatures they are.

I glanced at my hands one more time seeing them healed and back to being the perfect pale white they were before I got to attacking them taking a deep breath I took off slamming the door behind me and walking into the empty halls.

Bare feet slapped on the floor as I walked keeping my head high with a stern look on my face 'I need to make my plan go faster' I thought seeing the sun setting through the bars that fell in front of the window down the hall.

Rosco was resting in my room, keeping guard while I had gone to clean up after getting back from Alexandria. 

It was a clean place, cleaner than the sanctuary but still riddled with vermin. Just thinking of them makes me want to puke up my guts. I shook my head and kept walking letting out a sigh walking round the corner only to bump into someone and stumble back feeling arms crawl round my waist and keep me standing.

My eyes connected with brown before a chuckle rattled the man "I got you to fall for me so soon huh?" Rolling my eyes I pushed him back scoffing "Shut up Negan" He smiled down at me biting his lip between his teeth grinning.

"What got your panties in a bunch Doll?" 

I sighed for the Nth time today shaking my head trying to walk past "Nothing just tired" I lied still on edge from my hallucination "Wanna get a drink with me?" His tone was soft, he knew I was thinking about something troublesome.

He also knew not to test his luck with me.

What an odd human.

I nodded regardless of my internal panic since I had never really drank 'Would I get sick like last time?' I thought remembering my cold that sprung up on me from eating Dave... truly was a bazar feeling... a cold.

Something as simple as a fever reducing me... ME to nothing but a puddle of sniffles and shivers but regardless it was over in a matter of days and since then I have only felt stronger and hungrier.

"Come on then I got a bottle of whiskey with your name on it" 

Negan grinned down at me wrapping his arm loosely round my waist leading me to his room walking in a comfortable silence giving me time to take in the situation. 

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Looking into the brown liquid in the glass I swished it bac and forth with a sluggish smile on my face, cheeks heating up with a fever but not a cold this was warmth I hadn't felt in a long time it was nice.

Negan's laugh filled my ears, his head tipped back on the back of the sofa we sat on drink in hand and eyes filled with joy and warmth. He wasn't a bad guy he was just stuck with shitty cards dealt in his life.

I knew that that's why I couldn't bring myself to kill him.

I wished to see his blood all over the place, dripping from his body pooling on the floor to the point you couldn't see the polished wood beneath and yet he was just like Rick... dealt shitty cards both villains in each others eyes.

Who really was the villain?

The mosnter?

Me... I had no emotions towards them.... I did though I just can't understand them. A bubbly laugh escaped my throat after I took another gulp burning the back of my throat. "Hey Y/N" I hummed bringing my gaze up to gaze into his brown eyes.

"Do you ever wish you was normal?"

Tilting my head in confusion I laughed covering my mouth blinking slowly "What's that mean?" He smiled at me squinting his eyes "A human... you know?" Suddenly my mood had gone sour taking another gulp I sighed setting my head fall back and eyes closed.

"Why would I ever.... want to be.... such a foul creature" 

I breathed out letting sleep consume me. Truly why would I want to be such a pitiful thing?