LONDIWE
“ I'm sorry , I -”
“Ms Ziqubu, I will not tolerate your slacking! ”
“Kwanele I'm sorry okay! My brother needed me!”
“Damnit Londiwe! We're not running a daycare here , you should have let me know instead of leaving like that! ”, He shouts and me and my eyes start to water.
I know I should've let him or Stacy know before I left but I wasn't thinking. Kwazi and I ended up watching animation and eating icecream after what he told me . I tried calling Qhawe but he hasn't been picking up his cellphone and I couldn't even go to his house because I had to be by Kwazi's side.
“MaZiqubu don't make me a bad guy please .”, Kwanele’s face softens. “You didn't have to leave like that. Please just stop crying please.”
“ I'm sorry I just-”, I wipe my tears . “ I just found out my stepfather molested my brother and I just had to be there for him ,I'm sorry .”
Kwanele's body tenses. “ Your stepfather?”
He leads me to the office couch and holds my hands. He looks at me attentively, wanting me to give him more details. Sigh.
“ He told me yesterday that his father molested him and mom didn't believe him . I don't know what to do Kwanele, I don't even know where my mother is as we speak. I'm failing him .”
He engulfs me in a hug and let's me get it all out. I can't help but feel like I've failed my brother.
“ Do you want me to find him for you?”
What? I look at him confused.
“Do you want me to find your stepfather?”, he asks again.
I want him to be found,I want him tortured and then killed for what he did to my brother, I really do but how?how will Kwanele do that?
“Kanjani Kwanele?”
“Do you?”
“ I want him dead”, he looks at me suprised.
“Are you sure you want that? Don't you want him handed over to the police?”
“ Kwanele we both know how South African police are, please just do this for me.” , he asked mos, he should just kill that good for nothing dog.
“Okay but just know that I'm not a killer MaZiqubu.”
“ Thank you”, I get up and fix myself.
I go to my work station and as I'm walking I can feel his gaze on me.
It's lunch time now .
I go to the employee's lounge, it's been a while since I went there. Things have been just hectic for me .
“And she finally remembers she has friends!", Gcina exclaims. “Hay shame, uyayithanda indoda wesisi.”
Wendy and Stacy laugh. Gcina is right though, I've sort of neglected them for Qhawe because my man can get very clingy but I wouldn't change him for the world.
“ I'm sorry for neglecting you guys, it's just , a lot has happened.”
“ You don't look okay babe, you know you can talk to us right?”, Stacy says and they sit on the same couch as my with me in the middle.
“Where do I even start?”, I tell them everything,from my date with Qhawe to the events of yesterday.
“ Poor boy. Manje uzokwenze njani mngani ngoba something has to be done?”, Gcina says.
“ I know chommie, Mr Jama offered to look for leya nja.”, I can't even bring myself to say his name, that's how much I hate him now.
“ Will you hand him over the police?”, Stacy asks.
“ Do you even trust Mr Kwanza though? I've seen the way he looks at you friend.”, Wendy says. The way he looks at me? Only if they knew that the guy is still hung up on his ex wife.
“Uhhhh...I don't know hey but I honestly want him found.”, I say .
“ Friend, I suggest you tell Qhawe before accepting Kwanele's help . I agree with Wendy and I also think Kwanele might use this situation as an advantage to get closer to you .”, Stacy is making a point but-
“ Qhawe has disappeared on me,I've tried calling him yesterday and this morning but his phone goes straight to voicemail.”
“ The guy might be busy but nawe man,why don't you go to his place and check up on him?”, Gcina suggests. Well, that's also a good idea.
“ Yes, we'll even accompany you.”
“ Thanks guys,I appreciate it .”, I say and we go out for lunch.
The day goes by swiftly and I kept checking on Kwazi to see if he's okay .
KWAZI
“ to think that I was scared to tell her because I thought she wouldn't believe me. I'm glad I told her , she even said that I don't have to forgive him to heal.”, I say to Ms Hudson as she keeps nodding.
“ Trauma makes you sensitive to the emotions of everyone around you, remember when you beat up that boy , hated him because he hurt his girlfriend?”
I nod my head yes.
“ You've spent a lot of time not feeling heard, demanding to be understood is going to break your heart a lot of times Kwazi. I've noticed that you're painfully aware of your feelings that everytime you feel an uncomfortable non-physical pain you panic and numb it with physical pain so you can shift your focus from the non-physical to the physical one.”
“I just - ”, I stop my self and think for a moment. Ms Hudson is looking at me , giving me that look she always has.
“ I just wanted to end it all.”, I say looking down.
The session continued with us talking.She gave me a mouthful, I didn't know that my doings,me self-harming had that much of a negative impact.
“ Kwazi, when you're depressed, it's important to remember to nurse yourself and be extra gentle towards yourself . Self-care is really important,even if it means cutting off people who hurt you ,but first you have to accept the situation and forgive those people even if they're not remorseful of their doing. Rather than holding onto all that anger, breathe and invest in a hobby so you can live life to the fullest.”
“ I've moved on from what happened that day.the part that hurt me the most was my mother not believing me but maybe being away from her and being with someone who loves me more than life itself was a way to... I don't know ,make me accept the situation I guess?” , I say.
She nods and writes on her note book ,then looks up to me . “ I'm proud of you . We've made a lot of progress in a short space of time.” , she smiles.
YOU ARE READING
Izindaba Zomhawu(Paused)
Non-FictionA young woman goes on a quest to find herself,to find who she really is. She meets love and has to face her past along the way. Will there be a happy ever after?
