Beyond Reason, Space & Time

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝟕: 𝑺𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂 𝑳𝒖𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒃𝒚 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝑴𝒆

Wanda 

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This morning, I woke up to a horrible skull-splitting headache. Ever since my powers grew stronger, I pretty much wake up to a headache, but today felt worse. Something that even I can't handle anymore. There's an ominous ringing in my ears that gave me a hard time even just trying to sit up from my bed. 

'Kill her...' 

A voice that belonged to me echoed in my head. I haven't heard it in a while, but now it's back and it's making me panic. I placed my hands on both sides of my head.

'Kill her...' 

It said again making me hiss in pain. Anxiety creeping its way to me. I can feel my magic surging through my veins. Crimson reflecting in the walls of the guest bedroom. The fear is settling in on me because I really want to change and this isn't helping. I don't know where this voice is coming from and I don't know why it sounds like me, but this isn't me. Not anymore since I became aware of it. Something or someone got a grasp on me since opening the book of the damned and I am going to get to the bottom of it. First, I need to calm down.

'Kill her before she kills you...'

The voice in my head sounded like a deafening whisper. Eerie and demanding. I can feel it getting frustrated as I try to fight it. Whoever it is wants me to kill Natasha. I don't trust her, but I don't trust the voice in my head either. I can't trust anything in this world... including myself.

"Aaaaaah!" I finally screamed as I try to gain control over my powers that was seemingly losing control. A harsh gush of wind suddenly surrounds me and crimson swallows the entire room. I heard the door slam against the wall and felt the presence of Natasha close to me.

"Wanda!"

"Get out!" I screamed because being in close proximity to me right now is very dangerous.

'Take the shot!' the voice demands and my hands were surrounded by wisps of red.

"No!" I yelled, sucking my magic back into me.

'Kill heeeer!' it hisses and it was winning. My hair slaps my face as the wind gets stronger, magic building in me, the room no longer feels recognizable. Then I felt arms wrapped around my shoulders and a strong, but protective grip on my wrists, the scent of vanilla shampoo tickled my nose and the raspy voice of Natasha suddenly singing to me in Sokovian with a lullaby I knew so well.

**♫"'tie mi t͡ʃaˈjaɫəm... (We've been waiting for you)"♫ she starts, the gush of wind goes weaker.

♫"ˈʃiɪdeŋ ˈti e ˈʃte... (Now you are here)ˈdrage wo t͡sto ˈmisliɫəm... (More perfect than I imagined)"♫  she continues, her voice warm and soothing. 

♫"ˈdom naʃ ˈʃiɪdeŋ ˈgnieʒdo... (Our house is now a home) bez veˈdeɪ̆ doˈkude ˈjit͡ʃiʃ... (No matter where you go)"♫  tears starts welling up in my eyes, fading the red that took over my pupils. My own voice speaking to me goes away, the wind stops, any hint of red disappears and brings the natural light back into the room. Everything goes silent and beams of morning sunlight enters through the blinds.

♫"ˈʃiʒa ˈsunt͡so nad tiˈe... (Sunlight shines on you)" ♫** Natasha finishes as if in perfect queue.

I tried to get a grip of my breathing. Tears finally falling from my eyes as I slump against Natasha. She lets go of my wrists and catches me. We remained silent for a while, just until I get my bearings. We sat together on the bed, her arms wrapped around my waist. Her voice occupies my thoughts as she whispers 'It's okay, I'm right here', the lullaby still lingering in my head. The perfect distraction, the perfect save. Finally, I started breathing normally. My mind clear as a calm ocean during twilight without wind provoking its waves.

I broke free from Natasha's arms, almost missing her warmth instantly. I never felt that warmth since Vision and I were in Scotland. That was a long time ago, we were running fugitives but it still felt homey. Vision was home. This. Whatever Natasha is making me feel is uncharted waters.

"Where'd you learn that?" I finally ask as I turn to face her.

"From you." she replies, "You told me that your parents used to sing that to—,"

"To Pietro and I to calm us down. Yes." I interrupted her. "But how'd you know to sing it to me?"

"Not sure if you were the same in this universe, but the version of you I met in my universe constantly had panic attacks and that triggers her to lose control over her powers. She told me that if ever she gets out of control, I would sing the lullaby to her. So, I learned the song. Now, I didn't know what happened here and I didn't know what to do. I just thought that it was worth a shot." 

"You know, I could've killed you if that stunt you pulled didn't work." I said almost immediately, sounding a little cold. I want to break off any connection with her until I figure this out myself.

"I know. But I'd still do it anyway. Even if it would've killed me." she expressed no emotions when she said that, I almost felt scared.

I remember our late Natasha in my universe. How she kept risking her life to say a stupid lullaby just to transform Hulk back to Banner. That was when I betrayed Ultron to fight with the Avengers. To be an Avenger. The woman had no powers. She's strong but if the Hulk lost it, he could just squeeze the life out of her and yet she still kept doing it until the day happened when the lullaby no longer worked. The same as the Natasha that sits in front of me. If I truly lost myself to the voice speaking to me, I could've killed her in an instant.

"Fool." I hissed under my breath as I looked into her eyes as if it's a mirror. There's a hint of hazelnut brown in her sea of emerald if you look close enough. 

"I was born a fool." she says with a smirk and I almost chuckled.

I suddenly felt panicked when I remembered that we were staying with kids and Laura. I promised Clint to take care of his family, but it looks like I am the real danger here not the people outside the house. "Shit, where are the kids? Are they okay?" I asked, immediately standing up.

"Relax. They went out to the park early this morning. No one's here, but us." I breathe a sigh of relief. "What really happened anyway?" she finally asks, I was waiting for that question.

"I've been hearing a voice. Telling me what to do. A voice that has been influencing all my decisions. It sounds like my own when I hear it, but it isn't me. I know it isn't me. I've been ignoring it for a long time and I never realized it until now. And... I don't know what to do. I don't want to make any more mistakes. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore." I answered, my voice quivering.

"Shhh." Natasha coos as she stands up. Placing a hand on my shoulder before giving it a light squeeze. "We talked about this, remember? We will figure this out together."

"What if we don't?"

"Then, we'll cross the bridge when we get there."

Wherever that bridge leads to, I don't think I can cross it. So even if Natasha is making me swim through uncharted waters I have never explored, I am willing to take that risk instead. Drown in it even. Before anyone else gets hurt... Before she gets hurt. 

'You'll regret this...' the voice warns me, sending another surge of pain in my head. My knees weakens but Natasha catches me before I fall to the floor. The voice fades out like when you enter a tunnel and that's when I felt that I could breathe again.

"Did you hear it again?" I nodded, closing my eyes shut. "Then we need to get working. I feel a war's coming." she says, her voice sounded even lower than ever.

×××

**the lullaby: