07/THAT MAN

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I'm not ready.....

[...]

I took my phone to see the time, it was 12:26 AM, shit too late, Lev was still sleeping, I honestly wanted to go, I didn't want to wake up Lev, but I had things to do

"Hey sleepyhead" I whispered in his ear, he groaned and opened his eyes.

"What happened, is it too late?" he asked, sitting on the floor and looking for his phone.

"No, but I have to going with Lizzie" I answered

"You're quick to settle things with people," he smiled, "I'll walk you to the door", we went downstairs, his parents weren't there, I guess they went to work

"Thank you for everything, you're the best," I thanked him, kissing his cheek, we both blushed

"You're great and don't forget to brush your teeth" he laughed, "Bye Lev" I laughed taking my bike

I went home, I couldn't stop thinking, Mark is coming back next week, I don't want him to come back, I don't want to see him again, go back to that nightmare, I don't even want to think about it, but my brain makes me do it, I think about what I could do to myself, I start to sweat, to tremble, my chest hurts, I knelt on the ground, I know more or less what I have to do, it's not the first time it's happened to me, I try to calm myself, inhaled and exhaled

"Come on Bella, you can do it"
"Inhale and exhale, inhale, exhale" I repeated for a while until I calmed down. I took my cell phone and looked at the time, it was 12:58, I didn't do anything, I didn't shower, I didn't get dressed, I didn't even brush my teeth, I have to tell lizzie that I won't be able to go or maybe I can go late

LIZZIE🩹💋
-----

hi lizzie

Hi kiddo

Why haven't you
arrived yet?

That's what I wanted
to talk to you about

I won't be able
to go sorry


What happened?

It's that I had
an incident

What happened?

Are you okey?

Do you want me to
go to your house?

Don't worry

I just wanted to
ask you if I
can go later?

Obviously yes

Come when you want

Well I guess I'll
be there for a while.

I'll be waiting

--------

My breath stinks, I'm sweaty and I still feel dizzy, I'll stop thinking for a while, I want to stop thinking, so it doesn't happen again, it's my brain, I hate my brain, he causes these things, things I can't control physically or Mentally, I would like to put it to sleep, but it's too strong I can't with it, sometimes the music calms it down and makes me feel completely isolated from the world, also when I read, I feel in another world, just me, the words and my hands, then I return to the same shit

Adopted By Elizabeth Olsen]Donde viven las historias. Descúbrelo ahora