Locked In (Heart)

fourteen

STAN'S POV

friday, 12:30 p.m. still less than 11 hours until the lock-in.

lunch was finishing up and everyone was about to head to their study hall classes.

my head was still juggling a lot of different emotions that i honestly had a hard time sorting out, i was just very confused as to why i felt so strongly by certain things today.

as i was throwing my tray away, kyle stopped me by pulling me to the side.

"hey, are we good?" he asks wearily.

i nod, "yeah. my mind is just racing with different things."

"like what?" he asks as we both start to walk to our study hall.

i sigh, "well wendy's really upset with me. yesterday she got all mad because she says we have 'communication issues' and i wasn't aware of it....it's not like i do these things on purpose — the way we have communicated as been the way for years so it's like why is she upset with me now?"

kyle thinks for a moment, "well how do you communicate with her?"

"like sending emojis. i'm always sending her emojis because....i don't know....i've just always texted her like that."

"you never text like that in the group chat," kyle says raising his eyebrow, "so why do you text like that to her?"

i start getting a little agitated, "i don't know! i've never thought about it deeply like she does. i love her and that shouldn't define how i text her."

kyle was silent for a moment and then takes a deep breath and says, "i know you're not always the best at expressing yourself and you often don't see the bigger picture of things....but you should just...um...try to hear her out or something. maybe that'll resolve things."

i roll my eyes, "i really don't feel like fighting with her honestly because that might create bigger issues. i was gonna ride with her to the lock-in but i guess that's out of the picture."

"oh," is all kyle says, his voice suddenly quiet amongst the loud chaos happening in the hallway.

"wanna go together? with cartman and kenny i mean," i ask.

kyle looks at me with a weird expression and bumps his shoulder with mine, "why on earth are you even asking that, dude? of course."

i laugh and bump my shoulder back.

it's great to be like this again.

friday, 2:30 p.m. less than 9 hours until the lock-in.

it was the last class of the day and it was awkward to say the least, because it's the class that i have with wendy.

i kept stealing glances at her, trying to see if there was even an ounce of her having remorse for me.

it didn't seem like it.

she was just focused on the lecture, taking notes with her colorful pins that she uses to organize them....looking as perfect as ever.

my heart felt like it was aching. i know i said i didn't want to speak to her to avoid fighting again, but i can't lie and say i don't miss her.

craig, who's my desk partner kept eyeing me the entire time finally got curious with my antics and whispered, "why are you looking like a lost puppy at wendy?"

"because i am," i whispered back.

"trouble in paradise?" he asked leaning back. i gave him a "little bit" hand gesture.