Illicit Affairs ~ A Chris Motionless Love Story

Chapter Twenty-Two - I'm Fine

CHRIS' POV
I searched her emerald eyes for an answer, any answer, but her silence was telling as she blinked and raised her eyebrows. Scarlett got down on the wooden decking with me, and closed her hands around mine, shutting the ring box. I felt as thought everything had stopped. The birds had stopped chirping, the cicadas had ceased their song. It was silent, and still.

"Chris, I don't think I'm the one for you," she said quietly. I bit back bitter tears.
But she is the one for me, the only one.
"Vinny and Ricky were right, I'm fourteen years younger than you. I'm twenty-two. I'm not ready for a commitment like that."

"Scarlett-"

"I'll get moved back into my house. We can still be friends, we can still hang out. I just don't think it's a good idea for us to be romantically involved."

"Scar, don't do this, please don't do this to me. To us."

"When you go on tour I'm sure you will find someone that-"

"None of them are like you! They're fake, and only in it for the status. They might have the looks, the fake personality, but none of them have a laugh that lights up the room. None of them have the heart that you hold in your chest. The heart that you selfishly block off from everyone. Even me." And, as if whatever cursed thing was in charge of the universe could read the room, it began to rain. It began to pour. Scarlett looked out at the rain hitting the trees around us and she sighed.

"Chris, we were a quick good time. A distraction from life. I think now it's time I return to my life, and you return to yours. I'm sorry," she said as she turned to walk away.

My heart was left shattered on that deck. The trees being the only witness to the drive by that had just been done to my soul. The ring sat in its box on my kitchen counter, taunting me every chance it got. Even as I sat and drank my coffee in silence. Silence. It was something I used to love, something I used to cherish. But now that it meant no Scarlett... Now that it meant she wasn't here laughing at my awful jokes, or firing back with her own... I didn't want silence. In fact, I despised it.
My phone rang, and I jumped to get it, expecting it to be Scarlett. Maybe she'd changed her mind. Maybe she was calling to say she needed me. Fuck, did I need her.
Disappointment ran through my body as I saw it was only Ricky. Nothing against him, he's like a brother to me, but he wasn't her.
"Chris, it's concerning now. You haven't talked to us in two weeks." Two fucking weeks. Two weeks without Scarlett. Two weeks without hearing her laughter, feeling her sleeping next to me, hearing her sing in the shower or as she painted. Two weeks. And it felt like an eternity in hell. "We're coming over. All of us. Justin flew in today."

"You called in the big guns," I finally joked. I felt a piece of my heart chip off when I didn't hear a snicker from Scarlett.

"Yeah, he's the most concerned. We're all worried, Chris. We will be there soon."
I sighed through my nose as I looked at myself in the mirror. The dark circles under my eyes were out to play today, and my face was peppered in dark hair. And... was that a gray hair? I pushed my hair back, hoping that would conceal it until I dyed it again.
I had barely pulled on a black t-shirt by the time they let themselves in, announcing their presence. I walked downstairs to greet them.

"Chris, I am so sorry we didn't come sooner, we didn't know it was bad until Rick—"

"It's fine, Justin. I'm... fine." I lied. I wasn't okay.

"I don't think I've ever seen you with facial hair. Are you sure you're fine?" Vinny asked as he walked up, his hands tucked in his pockets. I just nodded. Rick was distracted by something in the kitchen, and I tracked his eye movement. The velvet ring box. He looked back to me and sighed, then looked down.

"You need to put it up."

"I haven't touched it since that day," I admitted, looking down at the ground. I felt a hand clasp on to my shoulder, and I looked up to see Justin. Worry and sorrow written on his face.

"Let's get you out of here. Let's go explore, have fun, take us to some Scranton bars!" Ah, yes, party life. "But you gotta promise me you're going to shave your face. And wear something nicer. You're scaring us."

"I'm just in a casual mode. That's all."

"No, you're depressed. Depressed and casual have two different looks. Go get ready."
~~~~~~~~
SCARLETT'S POV
"Scarlett! I am so glad you made it to dinner!" Hailey exclaimed as I walked into the crowded restaurant. I took my seat at the table amongst our other friends, who all seemed to blame me for the lacking presence of Chris. Therefore, knocking their egos down a touch. "You were the last one we were waiting on. Chris..." Bryan gave Hailey a look that practically said 'don't go there'. And I didn't want her to.
Anytime I heard his name all I could think about was the shell that I had left that day on that deck, in the rain. I'd done everything I could to stay busy. I'd filled my books, I'd read when I wasn't tattooing, and I'd sleep when I wasn't reading. I wasn't depressed. No. I was just occupied. I left no room for my depression to creep in. But in that reserved room for the dinner that Hailey and Bryan had planned for some big announcement, in that room full of people, I felt alone. Utterly alone.

"We've got something to announce that we've been hiding for three months, and I'm so excited to finally tell you!" Hailey said as she stood at the head of the table. She pulled several pictures out of her purse and held them up. No, not pictures. Ultrasounds. "We're adding another member to our little group! Miss Feyre is due in six months!"
It's was a hug announcement, a great one. Everyone was excited, and whistling and clapping. Offering their words of encouragement and support. But selfishly, I wanted to leave. I didn't want to be happy. I didn't feel happy. A part of me found myself wanting Chris and I to have our own big announcement about us getting married. But we wouldn't have that. I had shattered him.
I faked my smile, and hugged Hailey and Bryan who demanded that I be there for everything. Every step of the way. And I agreed. It was another thing to fill my schedule. Another distraction that I needed.