Sparrows Song

Chapter 9

She continued with her packing, unable to look Blake in the eye. He still hadn't moved, and she could feel his eyes on her. It was making her incredibly nervous.

"Fine," came his eventual reply. He drifted away from his spot by the wall, and picked up his shirt from the floor. Blake moved with a deliberate slowness as he packed up his sparse belongings, and it set her nerves on edge.

Jane knew she'd upset him, but she was having a hard time telling just how much. It was difficult to judge from the cool tone of his reply what he was really thinking, and it struck fear deep into her heart. After all, she had not really let herself forget just how dangerous Blake could really be.

They finished collecting the rest of their things in silence and then they exited the suite together, returning their room key cards before walking out to Blake's car. Blake walked closely next to her, a too-close near-hover as he matched her quick strides, and Jane stole a glance at him. He didn't really look mad, she thought to herself. Still, she couldn't help the state of heightened anxiety she felt.

They got into the car and Blake began driving, still silent, and Jane could hardly stand the tension between them. The bright and cloudless sky didn't match the current mood that surrounded them.

"Are you hungry?" Blake asked, with a certain roughness to his tone.

"No," she answered, not feeling in the mood for food even though her stomach was a little empty. Blake accepted her answer, but didn't respond or take his eyes off the road. He'd completely shut her out.

Jane knew that if she didn't do something they would continue this ride in silence, and she didn't think she could handle hours in the car with him and the awkward tension between them.

"I'm sorry, Blake," she said.

"Don't apologize. I get it," he bit out. Jane was watching him as he clenched his jaw, holding back his anger. She really wished she knew what he was thinking.

"Get what?" She asked him.

"Why you hate me." His eyes were narrowed and he still wouldn't look at her.

"Oh, Blake, I don't hate you. I- " she began, but he cut her off.

"What then?" he challenged, feeling himself starting to lose his grip on his temper. He flexed his fingers around the steering wheel as he attempted to reign himself in. She had no idea the kind of response she provoked in him, the inner turmoil she stirred up, and he really wished she would just stop pressing his buttons.

"I care about you, Blake, but I just can't give you what you want right now. It's just too soon," she said.

She was trying to let him down easy, and Blake thought it was a bullshit answer. "I can wait," he said through clenched teeth.

"It's not that easy. I still love Andy," she replied.

"Then just stop!" he hadn't meant to yell it, but he had. He had startled Jane with his outburst, and he really hadn't meant to scare her. He struggled to quickly regain a grip on himself.

Blake opened his mouth to speak again, and Jane waited patiently as he seemed to struggle over what to say. Eventually, he clamped his mouth shut, saying nothing.

"What is it?" she nudged him gently, "You can say whatever it was you were going to say."

He was silent a moment longer while he decided, and then finally he spoke, his green eyes ablaze with vehemence, "All that fucking bullshit you used to tell me before, about being in love with me. Maybe that all went away for you. Maybe you could just stop. But it didn't fucking go away for me. It didn't fucking change at all."