Sparrows Song

Chapter 10

While Jane pondered these things, Blake's thoughts brought him back to a much darker time. The unwelcome reminder of his past was pulling him under, back to a time in his life he wanted to forget forever. Jane would never know what it had been like for him.

At thirteen, things had already been hard enough for Blake. There was never enough food growing up, and certainly no adult that was fit to care for three kids. And since Blake was the oldest his younger brother and sister always seemed to expect him to do something about it. It was a responsibility he had never wanted and one he wasn't prepared to accept, but he was at least proficient enough at cooking to use the stove to make a box of mac and cheese. And while he was just as likely to hit or kick them when they asked him for some of the meager food he managed to find, he usually ended up giving them some if only to put a stop to the incessant whining and crying. They got by.

Until that day. After that day, everything changed. His mother already had received warnings from social services regarding the care of her children and the incident that day was the final straw, causing all of her children to be removed from her house and placed in foster care. Blake was separated from his siblings, something he felt completely apathetic about. After all, he had his own problems to deal with.

Blake lived in constant fear of someone discovering what he had done. He wasn't exactly sure what would happen to him if someone found out, but he was certain it would be very, very bad. So he held his dark secret inside and told no one. And while he liked to pretend that it didn't bother him, it took its toll in other ways. He had always been introverted and reserved, but now he drew into himself even more, completely alienated and isolated in a world all by himself.

He acted out. He completely disregarded any rules his foster parents tried to establish for him; he returned home when and if he felt like it, he stole things, and he destroyed property apathetically and without provocation. Blake made sure to reserve his worst behavior for anyone who tried to show him genuine kindness. It was for this reason that he never lived in one place for very long.

And then there was Jordan. While his little sister was young enough to still attend a grade school where he never saw her, Jordan went to the same school as Blake. And Jordan was dangerous because he knew, and he made sure Blake didn't forget by the way he leered at him when they passed in the hallways. Worse yet, Jordan eventually fell into a tough crowd and established somewhat of a posse, and they always made sure Blake knew how much of an outcast he was. It started to get pretty bad, until the evening Jordan and a few of his friends decided to follow Blake after school. Blake, who was truly non-confrontational unless provoked, had no choice but to show the little punks that he was not to be messed with. It must have shocked them when Blake, who usually remained unresponsive and kept his head down when they threatened him or shoved him against the lockers, suddenly whirled on them and attacked. He had caught them off guard, and using his size and natural athleticism to his advantage he won the fight. If Jordan had forgotten that Blake could be lethal, he remembered now, judging from the fearful but almost reverent look on his face. After that, Jordan only watched him with wary distrust but at least he and his friends left Blake alone.

If Blake hadn't discovered the computer lab, he probably would have never bothered graduating from high school. It started out only as a simple escape to avoid social pressures since no one expected you to talk to them if you were using a computer, but it quickly evolved into something much more. The Internet opened Blake up to a world of endless information that wasn't available to him otherwise, and better yet he could be completely anonymous online. When the school's content filter got in his way, his natural curiosity and disregard for the rules took over and he researched endlessly until he found a way to bypass it. It was his first taste at how powerful the knowledge of the inner workings of computer networks could be and it was his first foray into becoming a hacker.