CUTIE | yunki |

" fucked up"

TW !!!!
Angst
Self harm
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Niki got up from his chair and made his way to the bathroom.. suddenly..he heard someone sobbing..
And the sobs weren't quiet they were loud..

Niki realized who those painful sobs came from..his mom..his mother whom he loved so much..the mother who stayed with him even though she's truly broken..the mother whom he worked hard everyday for...

Niki listened to his mother sobs..they ached his heart Niki wanted to go and comfort his mother tell her everything is gonna be ok..but..he remembered what she said to him not so long ago..

" Don't come even close to me ever again u ruined my whole life.."

Those words played in his mind like a broken record...even though it wasn't his fault his dad died..but those words made him believe it was..and he was the reason of those painful tears of his beloved mother..

Niki couldn't take it..he broke down right there and then slid down the bathroom door he sat down on the cold bathroom floor...hugging his knees trying to comfort himself..but nonetheless nothing could comfort him now..he was shaking..crying thinking..

"It's ur fault it's ur fault ur mothers crying u have no right to cry..what is wrong with me I'm a fuckin disappointment a fuckin disappointment..I don't deserve love I don't deserve to get called her son..I deserve to die.."

These though fogged Niki's head to the point where he didn't even notice himself getting up..and opening his bathroom cubboard taking out..his paper cutter blade which he never used for paper..but on his own skin..

Niki sat on the floor pulling his pants down..

He started making sharp deep cuts on his thighs blood dripping from each cut...it stinged but Niki found comfort in it..he kept doing it until..his thighs were covered in blood from the cuts..

Niki got up squealing in pain..but he shrugged and washed his hands and the cutter putting it back in the cubboard..

Niki got into the shower the water stinging his cuts..and the blood washing off..Niki ached at the pain but stood still..beacause to Niki he deserved every bit of pain..he made his mother cry..he couldn't forgive himself for that ever..

Niki stood in the shower with pain in his thighs but you know what's more painful the thoughts that were going through Niki's head..he stayed in this world for his mother..but it seemed like him staying hurt her more..Niki made multiple suicide attempts..but he couldn't bring himself to do it..bcz he worried for his mother his mother may hate him..but his lover for her will never disappear..no matter how many times his heart shattered when his mother told him it would've been better if she never had him..no matter how many slurs his mother called him Niki's love never grew lesser..

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Emi<3