ITS NICE TO HAVE A FRIEND; seth cohen

two

memories, conan gray

i walk into mrs. blake's classroom and take the only empty seat. and it is next to no other than seth cohen.

"lucy! hi!" seth says happily. i look at him with a slight smile and sit down. i don't want to avoid him, but a part of me knows i can't deal with this right now.

"good morning, class. i have an announcement," mrs. blake's voice booms through the room, silencing my classmates. "for you first grade of the year, you will have a project due." leave it to her to make us do a project on the second day of school. a few kids roll their eyes at her. i would too, but as much as i want to, i don't want to make an enemy out of her this early into the year.

"this will be due next week. please research and make a poster explaining the usage of stem cells for medical purposes. the person sitting next to you will be your partner." no. i can't work with seth. i swallow hard and avoid eye contact with him. i can feel a lump forming in my throat.

my hand shoots up, "excuse me, mrs. blake! may i go to the bathroom?" i ask urgently.

"miss adams, please don't interrupt." i look at her with pleading eyes. "fine. go. but make it fast." i stand up quickly and rush out of the classroom.

my thoughts blur my vision as i walk into the bathroom and lock myself in a stall. this cannot be happening. there is absolutely no way i can work with seth cohen.

i take a deep breath as my head fills with images of him and me. how am i going to talk to him? how am i going to be calm around him? i close my eyes as i lean back against the wall of the stall. i could feel my stomach flip with excitement and dread when i saw him in class. why can't i just leave my feelings in the past? i thought i was over it. over him.

i hear the bathroom door open and i freeze in place for a moment. i really don't want people witnessing my freak out. i sit down on the toilet and put my head in my hands.

i was fine until he showed up at my locker. why did he have to do that? couldn't he have just left me alone? i get it... he was being a good person. he was watching out for me. but couldn't he have done that back when our relationship wasn't so complicated? i used to love him. he was my best friend. but he had to go and mess it up and somehow i'm still the one falling head over heels for him.

i slowly stand up and unlock the stall door. i catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and i find that i look as though someone just killed my mom. i wasn't crying, but i look worse than what i would look like if i had been. i can't let people see me like this. i splash my face with water and try to smile. if anyone were to see me freaking out over seth cohen like this, i don't know what i'd do. i dry my face with a paper towel and walk out, dreading the idea of going back to class.

"lucy, there you are! i was looking for you... are you okay-" i immediately recognized the concerned look on his face.

this can't be happening. we make eye contact and i find i can't fake this smile anymore. he can't see me like this. i can't let him see me like this and know that he is the reason i'm like this.

"just leave me alone..." i brush past seth and walk down the hallway, not looking back.

"glad to see you're doing well... lucy! wait!" seth calls my name.

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my mother calls me from downstairs but i just pull my blanket even closer to my body.

"lucy! come down here! you need to eat breakfast!" she shouts. the last thing i want right now is to go to school and see him. not after he saw how upset i was.

"lucy! get down here now!" my mom yells louder. i look at myself in the mirror on my wall. there's something not quite right about the face looking back at me. it looks beaten down. it looks empty.

i walk down the stairs and greet my mom. "i'm not hungry... i think i'm just gonna get something on my way to class."

"luce, is everything okay?" i nod. "you would tell me if there was something wrong, right?" my mother looks at me, her big green eyes seeing through mine. it's so hard to hide things from her.

"yeah, of course... you know that," i lie. i just can't explain it to her. i can't explain something that i haven't even processed. my world has shattered and been rebuilt in the wrong order over the past 48 hours. i don't know anything anymore. i don't know how to make sense of the mess that is my emotions.

"you've been acting weird these past few days. are you sure you're not feeling sick or anything?" my mom puts her hand against my forehead, feeling my skin. i'm surprised i'm not burning up from the war going on in my mind.

"mom, please. i'm fine," i say with a fake smile and walk out the door. school today is definitely going to be interesting.

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i sit down in my seat, mentally preparing myself for the next 45 minutes. there are so many things i would rather be doing instead of sitting next to seth cohen. these include doing calculus and eating my own arm.

"hey, lucy. i was thinking-" here we go. i swallow hard and fight my instinct to look into his hazel but fail miserably. i glace in his direction and find myself greeted by his beautiful smile. i close my eyes and take a deep breath.

don't you get it? i want to scream. how can he not see what his existence is putting me through? all i wanted was to forget about him, but he is making it so fucking hard to.

"what, seth? what were you thinking?" i ask, trying my hardest to sound rude. i can't be mean to him, but i have to... although that doesn't mean he would leave me alone.

my thoughts wander to summer roberts, the girl who seth has been in love with since we were in fifth grade. she doesn't give him the light of day, yet he doesn't stop chasing her. i don't understand how he doesn't see that she isn't worth it. don't get me wrong, i'm sure that deep down she's a lovely girl, but seth deserves someone who actually cares about him.

"i was thinking that maybe you could come to my house after school so we can work on our project. it can be like the old days," he proposes. i wish it was that easy.

"um..." i think about it for a second. this careless act obviously isn't working and i don't want to fail this class. "sure, why not?" i can think of a thousand reasons why not.