knowledge is everything

Chapter 1

He was in pain, physically and mentally. He didn't understand and couldn't pinpoint when everything had started going down.

He was sitting alone in his home, he had just ended a call with a friend of his, who was the bearer of such horrific news.

Now he's sitting alone, in a home that he had shared with the man that he loved. The same man who was sentenced to life in Azkaban. The same man who is the main cause of the further lonliness in Remus' life.

It is November 2nd, 1981. Remus had just came back to an empty home, after his quick mission in order to recruit many more for help in the war. The mission might sound simple and such, but doing something like that takes a lot out of Remus, as he pretends to be something that he hates.

So, Remus would expect to come home and be comforted in warm open arms. Instead, he comes to a home that is empty and cold. He calls out for him, yells his name, with the hope he will get a response, and when he doesn't, he goes to the phone. He dials the Potters, and much more to his suprise, they do not pick up. He dials Peter Pettigrew's number, and not a single answer.

He considers dialing the Mckinnon family, but then reminds himself that they are no longer around. Remus then remembers to call Mary MacDonald, and this time he gets a response.

"Remus?" Her voice is hoarse, like she's been screaming or crying.

"Hey Mary, are you alright? Where is everyone, I'm trying to find Sirius but he isn't home, and James and Lily didn't pick up, nor did Pete-"

A sob cuts him off from the other side.

"Remus, something awful has happened,"

Now it's Remus' turn to sob, he goes around the house smashing things, breaking this, ripping that. He repeats this process, over and over and over again until he tires himself out. Until he crashes onto the floor.

Lily is dead.

James is dead.

Peter is dead.

All because of-

He can't even think of him right now, he can't even speak his name. Instead he sobs, he sobs until he passes out, until all he knows is memories.

He wakes up back in Hogwarts.

He sees James, lively as ever, moving around their room as he dances around to the music being played from the vinyl record.

He sees Peter, laughing at him from his bed, while also nodding his head to the beat of the music.

He sees-

Remus sees him, getting up from his own bed and hitting James in the face with a pillow, starting a pillow fight between the two.

He turns to Remus, "Come on Moony, join in!" as he hits Remus with a pillow as well.

He wakes up back in reality.

The reality where James and Peter are no longer alive, and Remus is alone.

This routine continues on for the next couple of weeks. Him dragging his feet to the kitchen to eat, but then cries and sobs, until he passes out. Instead of sleeping upstairs in his bed, he sleeps on the couch or on the ground, because everywhere he goes, Remus is reminded of him.

After three weeks, Mary comes to visit. Remus sees her, and looks at her, she looks like she's been almost doing the exact same thing that Remus had been doing, just healthier.

That day, Mary is there to be with him, forces him to actually eat and shower, and clean himself up. Mary cleans up the living room and the broken classes and trinkets that were on the floor.