Walking the Right Path

Chapter 5

                                            John 14:27

Peace I leave you; my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

The Bible verse hung at the entrance on the door of the apartment. I didn't understand exactly what the verse meant when it said not as the world gives do I give you. It reminded me of all the times I read my Bible but couldn't understand. Why didn't they write it in plain English? And why did the Apostles and Jesus and everyone have to speak in riddles and parables? 

Stepping into his home, I felt my stress leave me instantly. I wondered if it was the peace of God covering his home because I felt...safe. To be honest I had started to feel the fear of being alone, after all I've spent my life under someone and now relying on myself only made me anxious of messing up.

Just like the man, his home was decorated simply. Aside from the furniture and essentials, he had an array of paintings and Bible quotes scattered around the walls. 

"Make yourself at home," he said.

I took that as an invitation to walk around. My hands trailed each painting and cursive writing on the wall in admiration. One particular painting enchanted me. In it was a blurry image of a figure with its arms covering the people in it. The people themselves had their arms out in a way that showed that they were fighting to be let go off. They didn't want to be held yet the arm still covered them. 

"My wife painted it, most of these paintings are hers. She used to love interpreting her ideas of the Bible and the relationship of God through them."

"Oh," I had nothing to say. He talked in past tense so I could sense his wife may not still be alive. "They're nice."

We were silently observing the painting. I had an idea of what message it was supposed to relate to but I didn't want to admit I did. The brewing anger in me made me like this. 

"Do you know what it means?," He asked.

I shook my head, "No."

"I think it's weird how I met you today and am inviting you into my home so easily. I guess something possessed me to go out and check on you. And you could be a thief or generally an untrustworthy person but I still let you in. That's because I want to put into practice what I've learned and that's to help others. I was once like you Daniel, at least until I met my wife. I thought it was too late for me to turn back, my life wasn't the best and I let my own anger simmer in me for too long. You're still young, don't let your anger take control of you."

What was I supposed to say in response to that? The voice in my head was telling me to leave. Isn't it for this same reason that I left my own home? Now I'm back in another home of a person who thinks the only hope for me is a deity that doesn't exist. It's worse since he thinks he understands me. No one does.

I felt trapped. 

The following morning I woke up startled from a dream I had. I was covered in sweat and my fingers were shaking uncontrollably. My breaths were also shallow as I tried to take control of myself again. It was when a wet substance fell on my palm did I realize that I was crying, the tears came out of my eyes out of my own will. I really felt like I was losing myself to so many things at the same time. My mind felt torn and I desperately needed to ground myself on something, I needed some kind of comfort. When so many voices were speaking in my head at the same time all I wanted to do was smash my head against the wall to quieten it down.