when a soul mates

the barn scene

Cas stared at the back of head from the dark-blonde haired man laying beside him. A billion questions circling inside of his head, which can't make any sense of anything that happened last night.

Dean needed his help, to sleep through the night for the first time in days, because he couldn't and had to check up on Cas the whole time.

It explained how Dean was always showered, fully clothed, already went on a morning walk with Miracle and prepped breakfast, before Cas even woke up.

Also, it was very Dean of him to not talk about it and pretended to be fine.

Cas felt terrible about it. How did he miss out on it so badly?

He let Dean suffer because of his ignorance. But Dean didn't resent him for it, he did the exact opposite. He pulled Castiel closer to him, keeping him in his personal space which he used to care about some time ago, although Dean pushed himself into Castiels personal space all the time, so Cas never really understood what he was supposed to think about that.

Last night was different. Dean didn't let Cas close to him. He wanted him to. He initiated it. And it wasn't just their usual shoulder pat or standing close to each other... he held his hand.

Dean held onto his hand like once or twice before, but only to support him standing up. And yes, this time he kind of also helped him stand up, but it wasn't just that. Definitely. He led him straight to his bed and didn't let go for a second.

Castiel could feel the warmth of Deans body streaming over to him through the touch of their palms. He felt every hair on his body straighten up, every muscle tingling.

The only reasonable explanation for that must have been that Dean thought he couldn't see properly in the dark. Why else would he cling to his hand like that? Dean didn't have feelings for Castiel like Castiel did for Dean.

And this was one of the things Castiel longed for to do with Dean. Hold his hand in his own.

It wasn't like Castiel pictured himself with Dean in those kinds of scenarios constantly. He just felt the urge to touch him all the time, especially...

no, actually always.

Whenever they shared a laugh, when they talked about serious topics or emotions, what was rare but still, when they spent time together, when he just gazed at him or felt Deans eyes on him... always. He wanted Dean to be closer to him in every way possible to humans.

But this time Dean did it. He broke the little distance they kept to each other, he stepped over the barrier that Castiel build for himself to keep his and Deans friendship intact and functioning. He knew he couldn't get too close to Dean without scaring him off, he knew certain touches were one step over the friendship line and he knew certain choices of words in form of compliments weren't appropriate as well.

And now this.

Cas tried so hard to no interpret too much into it, to not hope too much because of it, because he knew Dean couldn't have possibly felt the connection their hands made when they touched the same way Cas did. And he knew Dean couldn't possibly feel the need to wrap his arms around Cas as badly as Cas wanted to through the whole night they laid besides each other.

Cas wasn't able to sleep since the second his eyes snapped open and was startled from where he was. He needed a few second to understand that the quiet and constant sound of breath wasn't his own that he heard, but from Dean, who slept beside him in the same position he fell asleep in. Cas wasn't sure if he had moved much either, but he laid on his back now instead of his left side aiming to the wardrobes.