On Begged and Borrowed Time

If I was Atlantis and you were the sea, I'd sneak up behind you and set you free.

~Atlantis

***

Night has slowly enveloped Ketterdam as the very last traces of pale sunshine fade into the horizon, darkness creeping into its winding streets like a well-worn veil, plunging it in the welcoming shadows where the city's secrets come to life. It is crisp and surprisingly quiet given the hour, the rhythmic click of his cane the only sound interrupting the stillness of the night, but Kaz doesn't mind, it gives him an excuse to linger in the shadows, if only for a little while.

Fog is already clouding the air, thick and humid with rain - a light mist really, more vapor than water, but it still clings to his clothes and damps the pavement beneath his feet, making the cobblestones slick and shiny. It's a welcome change from the Barrel, where just a slight drizzle will make the muck of its streets even more of a mess. Here in the Geldin District even the air has better quality, it carries the scent of jasmine and damp earth, like it knows the residents of the Geldstraat will accept nothing but a fresh smell in the light breeze.

Kaz would normally hate this weather, the humid cold seeping into his bones and making his joints stiff. Now, however, he welcomes the discomfort like an old friend. The pain in his leg is a well known companion, the increased pangs traveling up to his hip are certainly a better thing to focus on to distract himself from the hollow and unfamiliar ache in his chest that only seems to grow with every step he takes away from the Van Eck mansion.

The cold helps too, bites at his skin and prickles the back of his neck. He lets the shadows and the fog engulf him in a familiar embrace, melts into them like he himself is made of a hazy mist, and wonders for a moment if she would still find him in this world of fuzzy darkness. If she would care enough to notice he's gone.

He'd left the Van Eck mansion mere minutes ago, but already the comfort and the laughter abounding inside the large manor feel like a distant dream. Dinner had been an excruciating affair as it is, but when Jesper and Wylan loudly proclaimed it was time for dessert and everyone stood to make their way towards the parlor where Wylan would more than likely regale them with his talent at the piano, Kaz had made his discreet escape and disappeared through the back door that led to the gardens without a parting glance. And if he felt Inej's piercing gaze boring on the back of his neck as he left, well... he'd deem it wishful thinking.

Kaz couldn't have borne a second longer inside the cheery house even if he'd wanted to. It had been too much; the excited voices, the homey atmosphere, Jesper's raucous laughter booming across the walls, Wylan's soft-spoken conversation, those grateful yet wary glances Inej's parents keep shooting his way every time they see him, Inej herself... with her radiant smile and that laugh, the laugh... in all the time he's known her, Kaz hasn't seen her quite as happy as she's been in the last few weeks and it makes something inside his chest twist.

It had been overwhelming, all of it. It started feeling too comfortable, too good. The last time he felt warmth like this enveloping him like a soft blanket he'd been in the cozy parlor of Jakob Hertzoon, his brother still by his side and Saskia's ribbon firmly clutched in his hand like he just had to hold onto it to make the dreamlike vision before him last a lifetime. Like he could've regained the love of a lost family in the embrace of Hertzoon's fake wife and her delicious hutspot.

Kaz should know better by now. That dreamy comfort hadn't lasted back then and this one certainly won't either. The difference between then and now is that this time he's perfectly aware of its expiration date.

Inej is leaving come morning. The Wraith is loaded and ready, waiting on Fifth Harbor for the final preparations to embark on her maiden voyage at dawn. Inej will take her parents and her freedom and leave Ketterdam behind, with its murky harbors and its streets plagued by demons like him. Naturally, Jesper had thoroughly insisted on throwing her a farewell party. Or, more like a farewell dinner, with only the remaining Crows, Marya Hendriks and Inej's parents present.