Your eyes look like coming home

5

The next morning my hands fumbled over my phone screen. Staring into the text box of Carlos's contact.

'Can we talk?' I typed to him.

'Of course' his reply came quickly.

I met him at the fire house, he was on patrol. That uniform still sent my heart racing. I immediately felt sick. Maybe I can't do this.

"Carlos, I just wanted to say I'm so sorry. I'm a mess. I shouldn't snap at others because of my own shit" I said looking at the ground.

"Oh Tk, its okay, I crossed the line and I should have told you what I did for work.." Carlos said

"Yeah.. might have been a nice warning... my um.. ex.. he was a cop and I- he.. he wasn't a good person or cop." I muttered out.

Carlos sadly smiled, then watched as my body shrunk, and my breathing hitched. "Shit. Tk"

Then I started crying.

"Did your ex, did he hurt you?"

I folded, I just sobbed nodding yes. Carlos slowly reached over and for the first time I let him touch me, hold me. I just cried into his chest. His touch was so grounding, warm and soft. I don't think this man could hurt a fly. I don't think he'd kill a mosquito. He just sat me on the couch and rubbed my back until I could breathe and talk again.

"I'm sorry" I said finally.

"Tk, you have no reason to be sorry. You did nothing wrong" he told me still lightly rubbing my back. "Also, just so you know. When someone looked through the system it doesn't alert or appear on record. Only if you are arrested."

I was safe. Alex lied about that too. He always told me anyone could just look up my name and he would have my location. That he could easily find me. I took a deep breath out and looked up at him.

"Thank you" i said.

I glanced out the windows and saw my dad smiling at us on the couch together. I suddenly realized all the touching that was happening, my heart raced. It felt nice. I still stood up and stepped back. I still couldn't let myself get to trusting. I needed time to think. Luckily the bell went off and I ran to get my gear on. Carlos took off back on patrol.

The day ended really easily. It was nice to have a calm day. Dad drove me home.

"So you and Carlos are getting kinda close" he smiled

"I guess"

My heart grew thinking about him. I knew he was a very nice person, and it was kinda nice to have a cop I somewhat trusted in my life... just in case.

"What about Alex? Are you going to tell Carlos?" Dad asked

"I don't wanna talk about it." I pushed off the subject

I didn't want to discuss Alex anymore today. It was already emotionally draining to talk about it with one person... it has to be right time for my dad to know. With him just starting Chemo and everything else that's going on. This isn't the right time.

-
The next few days I spent more time getting to know Carlos, he invited me to a coffee shop.

As I stepped into the cute cozy coffee shop, the warm aroma of freshly brewed coffee hit my nose. The soft jazz music playing in the background, I found Carlos in a comfortable corner booth, he was settled in, his eyes sparkling with anticipation.

He leaned across the table, his voice laced with enthusiasm, "You know, I've been looking forward to this coffee all week."

A playful smile on my lips as I replied, "Me too. It's a pleasure to spend time with you, and it's nice not just seeing each other to apologize."

We checked out the menu, ordering some delicious looking drinks and pastries. We both started sharing stories, laughter, and just  connected. It felt like what real love was supposed to look like. It was so strange feeling happy and trusting someone like this again.

My eyes locked onto his, communicating my unspoken emotions. Time seemed to slow down as we lost ourselves in the moment. His hands found mine, fingers intertwining gently. The touch sent a jolt of electricity through my body, but I didn't have the knee jerk reaction to pull away.

As we walked back to our cars, I let him hold my hand, his warmth felt safe.

"Tk I promise, I swear on my life, on my dads life, on anything. I'll never lay a finger that you don't want on you" he told me.

I smile. I trusted him.

-
~Carlos's POV~

Yeah.. might have been a nice warning... my um.. ex.. he was a cop and I- he.. he wasn't a good person or cop." Tk said to me

I nodded, watching him slow his breathing, watching how his body tried to get as small as possible. "Shit. Tk" I muttered out.

Then he started crying into his hands.

"Did your ex, did he hurt you?" I asked him.

He sobbed. nodding yes. I reached out slowly, I wanted to sooth him but not scare him again. He let me hold him. I traced light gentle circles around his back until he calmed down.

How could I be so stupid. I'm a cop. I saw all those signs and didn't see it.

"I'm sorry" he said.

The hardwired apologies he always spat out. The way he spoke, every word was to calm or please someone else. The way he tried to take up less space in the world.

"Tk, you have no reason to be sorry. You did nothing wrong" i told him "Also, just so you know. When someone looked through the system it doesn't alert or appear on record. Only if you are arrested."

He took a deep breath out and looked up at me.

"Thank you" he said.

The bell rang and I had to get back to work. I drove around on patrol pissed. I was mad at myself, I should have read the signs. I shouldn't have pushed him. I just thought he was jumpy with me because of his drug use. I thought he knew I was a cop and was nervous about it. I was so dumb. I was pissed at whoever his ex was. For breaking his spirit so badly. Hell I don't even know the surface of what he did to TK.

I pulled up on a traffic stop and let myself get lost back in the job before I went crazy.

"License and registration"