Your eyes look like coming home

6

~TK's POV~

Three days later. We were all getting back from a call, It was a hard call. Judd was made team leader for it, he had been to this place before and knew the ins and outs of this building.

He told us to clear out, it was going to collapse and I ran back in to pull out the last kid. We made it fine but Judd was pissed I ignored him. I didn't care anymore what happened to me. That kid was innocent though.

Everyone was yelling and agitated, Judd jumped out of the truck after it was parked, slamming the door. The vibrations of how loud that slam was messed with my brain. I slunk out of the truck after everyone else. Dad went upstairs to do paperwork, sent us to shower and clean.

"Tell the little punk to not ignore my calls then!" Judd yelled towards someone else

"Just stop yelling, I'm sorry? Okay?" I basically cried out.

"Tk just shut up" Judd rolled his eyes "the adults are talking"

He walked over pushing me into the side of the engine and turned around. He didn't really throw me, but it still made my body hurt and I tunnel visioned fully shutting down. My survival instincts were not fight or flight. It was please or beg.

"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry, please I'm sorry" I was already slid to the concrete floor kneeling behind him and crying.

Judd turned around again looking at me.. scared and very confused. I glanced over and the others except for him and Marjan were gone, probably showering.

"Please don't." I squeaked out again

"Don't what?" Judd kinda snapped,

Marjan smacked his chest. Hearing a smack I closed my eyes and covered my head. I think that's when they both realized. I slid down more, sitting on my butt pulling my legs to my chest.

"Tk," Marjan dropped to the floor next to me.

Judd just stood there. Not knowing what to say or how to say it. He just slunk his shoulders and left. Marjan soothed me and got me to stand up to move to the couch.

I told her a bit about Alex. I didn't want to talk about everything. I still can't talk about it all.

"I knew something was up. I've seen that same fear stricken look in a few of my classmates growing up. The way they hid bruises, the way they jumped anytime someone lifted a hand towards them. It'll be okay" she whispered to me.

"I shouldn't be so afraid still, I'm almost two thousand miles away from him." I muttered

"It's going to take a long time," she said resting her head against mine.

..

I leaned against Faiths couch again, I felt calmer this time seeing her. I trusted her, and the other people in my life a bit more than I did last week.

"How's your week been TK?" Faith asked

"Okay. Better. I told Carlos and one of my teammates.. not everything. But they know" I smile

"That's wonderful. How did they react?"

"Good, I sobbed both times, I- had a panic attack when I told Marjon"

I told Faith what happened at work yesterday, how I was so triggered by Judd. He since apologized for acting and doing what he did. I forgave him.

"It's just a survival tactic I had always used. Dropping to my knees and begging, He liked me to fully submit to him..."

'You breath because I allow it. Pathetic.'

I shook. I felt his hands around my throat.

"What were the reasons you felt you couldn't leave before now?" Faith asks, pulling my mind out.

"He was a, is a dirty cop. He used his power at work to threaten me. He- threatened my family."

''See what you do, it's all your fault. You make me hit you. And don't dare saying anything to anybody. I'll shoot your parents, make it look like a accident. I know drug dealers, bikers, career criminals'

"What brings you joy?" She asked me.

I didn't have a good answer for that. Not much made me genuinely happy anymore.

"Dogs? I can't get one though"

We both giggle at that.

Carlos's sweet smile ran through my head. I grinned.

"What was that about?"

"Carlos...." I admitted blushing.

"I'm glad you were able to talk with him."

"What about art? Panting? Drawing?"

I just shook my head no, "I suck. I like to listen to music"

"Use that for sure to help calm down, what about Writing?"

I stop, "I'd give it a try"

I don't think I'd turn into a New York's best selling author. But maybe it's something I can use to help me get feelings out? Something to let me rant about everything I feel, everything I see, everything I've had to deal with.

Faith tells me I can write in a actual journal or just on my notes app on my phone. I stuck with my phone as I had terrible chicken scratch hand writing.

-

And so I do. It took a few days to get the jest of it. I stared at a blank notes app for a long time. But finally words flowed out. It wasn't great, dumb little stories. But being able to write out some of the things that I've dealt with and what I'm feeling out on fake characters, it feels calming.

Whenever my heart races, instead of shutting down I just try and type out a few hundred words on a page. Something to distract myself. It's been slowly helping my confidence and mental state.

So much so I actually asked Carlos out. On a real date. I've never been so sure on the person I trust. Looking back Alex always had red flags. When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags. I didn't see any flags with Carlos. Just butterflies when I see him, warmth and love when he hugs me. I needed to see him.

"Carlos! I was wondering, if you were still up for that real date?"

"Of course, always" I heard his smile over the phone.

We chatted for a bit longer and he had to get back to his station. Not all cops are bad or dirty.

Then, my screen light up with a new Facebook friend request and DM.

AN. (ACAB in real life bitches)