he's... my doll (Bucky Barnes/FTM reader)

chapter one

(D/N = deadname)

~~~

Peggy's long gone. Howard's even longer gone. Steve and Tony are both gone too, and even Natasha, the only close friend I made with the Avengers, is gone.

~~~

Rain pelts my cold skin, seeping through my shirt and soaking my hair.

I stumble up the stairs to his apartment door, knocking frantically. Blood drips from a small gash above my brow and a much larger one on my torso.

He opens the door, and I'm barely standing. "Long time, no see," I joke, my voice wavering.

His eyes widen. "Oh, my god..."

I grip the doorframe tightly, my vision spinning as I pant. "Not the best reunion, sorry. Didn't have anywhere else to go."

"No way," he mutters softly. "You can't possibly be-"

"Look, whether you believe I'm alive or not, please help me out before I'm definitely not."

"Right, yeah." He lifts me bridal style, resting me on his black carpet before leaving the room.

He comes back with a wet washcloth and a suture kit. My shirt is a light color, so my blood seeps through very clearly. He lifts it for better access, grimacing at the sight. He puts a bandage on my face gash while cleaning my other wound.

He gives me a clean, dry washcloth before opening the suture kit. "Bite down," he orders. "This'll hurt."

He was right. My cries are muffled by it, but not well. Tears stream down my cheeks.

"You gotta hold still, doll, or it's gonna be all screwed up."

I nod, trying to be as still as possible. I'm breathing heavily, so not completely motionless, and I'm still crying out from the pain. "It hu- it hurts..."

"I know, sweetheart. It'll be over soon, I promise."

"Pl-ease," I beg, barely quieted by the washcloth. "Stop... stop..."

Whatever face he made, I can't see because I'm squeezing my eyes shut from the pain. "Hey, you're doing so good, okay? You're gonna feel good as new in a few days."

"Ok- okay..." I stutter, sucking in a desperate breath once he stops.

"See? That wasn't so bad, was it?"

I shake my head weakly. "It was worse," I croak.

He chuckles. "Wow, you're feeling better already."

He picks me up, bridal style again, resting me on his couch. I'm still shaking while he wraps a bandage across the stitches. I wince each time his fingertips graze over the scar.

"So, D/N-"

"It's- it's Y/N now."

He nods. "Y/N. You should not... What happened? How did- how are you here?"

I inhale sharply. "D'you want the whole explanation?"

"Whatever you feel okay telling me."

God, his voice is so soothing. "I guess I start from the beginning. After you-" I pause, remembering that 'died' is no longer appropriate, "after you fell, I was distracting one of the guards at a Hydra base. I got captured."

I hear him sigh dejectedly. "Please tell me you escaped..."

"Not right away."

He sighs again.

"They did, y'know, experiments. I can't remember what they did, but I ended up with these weird abilities. I can, like, change the way people remember things."

"Did they ever- did they ever hurt you?"

"Buck... It's Hydra."

He starts pacing, waving me on to continue.

"When everything collapsed, Fury helped me out. I stayed with Clint-"

"Clint?"

"The arrow guy."

He nods.

"I stayed with him until the whole thing where half of everyone dissolved. He ran off being a mercenary or something. Then I stayed at the Avengers Compound until we fought against that purple guy."

"Thanos?"

"Yeah, him."

He , trying to absorb all this information. "And what about after?"

"I've just been trying to get by, day by day."

"Okay." He takes a deep breath. "What about the- the new name?"

"Um... After I escaped, I did some self discovery. I discovered that I didn't really feel like a woman. Still don't."

"So. You're alive, you have powers, and you're a guy... Are we positive I'm not hallucinating?"

I yawn, shivering slightly. "I'm pretty sure."

He leaves without a word, returning by handing me a blanket. I cover up quickly. "Get some rest," he asserts.

I nod, and he's barely gone when I fall asleep.