he's... my doll (Bucky Barnes/FTM reader)

chapter two

(Bucky POV)

It's almost midnight. I fall back on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I've stared at it many times before, haunted by memories, but this time is different.

A soft whimper echoes down the hall. I sigh softly, getting back up to check on her- him.

He's asleep. He's stirring, but not moving enough to tear the stitches. Good. I don't need to do that again.

She- he mutters French in his sleep. I'm rusty, so I only catch a couple words. "Please, stop, don't-"

I stop trying to understand. Fuck. Why didn't I do anything? Why didn't I know? Did anyone know? God, did Steve know?

What's worse is that I feel exactly the same about her- him, shit. I feel exactly the same about him as I did when I fell off that train. I thought I was done with all the damn self-discovery. I'm not gay. Am I? Fuck.

He stops stirring, so I go back to my room. I pick up my phone and dial Sam's number.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Sam-"

"Bucky. Do you know what time it is?"

"It's 12:0-"

"It's 12:05. In the morning. Who calls anyone at 12:05 in the goddamn morning?"

"It's important, Sam."

"Oh, yeah? What's so important that you had to call at 12:0-fucking-5-"

"I was engaged."

"What?"

"In the forties, I was engaged-"

"When were you going to tell me this?"

"Never, unless it somehow came up."

"Excuse m-" He takes a deep breath. "Nevermind. Continue."

"I was engaged to... the most amazing woman I ever met. She was funny, and beautiful, and-"

"Get to the point."

"And now she- he's a guy on my couch who I barely prevented from bleeding out."

"Woah! Woah! What the fuck? Ho- how? Do you even know? God, now I'm gonna be up all night. What happened? Tell me everything."

"So he shows up on my doorstep and says 'long time, no see.' That threw me for a loop. Then I find out he got stabbed, so I help him. It was awful; I had to stitch him up with no anaesthetic-"

"Holy shit. What are you, MacGyver?"

"Shut up. Once I was done, I wrapped the wound and whatever. Then I asked. Kinda wish I hadn't. He was caught by Hydra, like, right after I was. He got experimented on, ended up with the power to rearrange memories-"

"No way.... Did they make him do it to you?"

"Oh, my God. I didn't even think about that."

"Well... that's rough. So then what?"

"It was just Hydra stuff until right before the collapse. Fury helped him escape, he stayed with Barton for a while-"

"Hawkeye Barton?"

"Yes, him. Then the whole thing with Thanos, and the rest is history."

"God, you are old. And what about the whole 'girl to guy' thing?"

"It's... I don't really get it. That's actually why I called..."

"Are you upset about it or something?"

"No! No, I'm so happy for her- him, I'm so happy he found himself, but..."

"Do you not love him anymore?"

"No, that's the thing. I do still love him. I love him just the same."

"Oh-ho-ho," he laughs teasingly. I can practically hear the smirk on his face.

"It's not funny, Sam!"

"No, no, of course not. But Bucky... I know what it is."

"What? What is it?"

"You're bi."

"I'm by? By what?"

"No, b-i. Bisexual."

"What is that?"

"Have you seriously been living in New York City and you don't know what bisexual means?"

"Sam, please take this seriously."

"Fine. Being bisexual is like... You go to a bakery. They have cake and they have pie, and maybe some cookies. When you're bi, you might really want some pie, but you're also pretty tempted by the cake and the cookies."

"What- why is there three?"

"Oh, old man. We have a lot to catch you up on."

"We? Who is we?"

"Ask your trans boyfriend."

"He- he's not my boyfriend! Not yet, at least..."

"See? You're not shutting it down."

I take a deep breath and exhale it dramatically. "Goodnight, Sam."

"Night, Bucky."

The line beeps and the call is over. I go back out to check on Y/N.

My hands crossed over my chest, I watch him sleep. I can tell he's still having a nightmare. Brow furrowed, shaking, eyes screwed shut, sweating... Fuck. Why am I so worried about him?

'You love him,' a voice in the back of my mind whispers.

Can't love him too much. I'll lose him again.

Besides, I'm not... bi. Or whatever. Sam's just... misinterpreting the information. Right?