he's... my doll (Bucky Barnes/FTM reader)

chapter three

(Reader POV)

"Do it," a deep, voice unfamiliar voice orders.

"Do what?" I ask, feigning innocence. My facade is weakened by my shaking form. I don't want to hurt him. I don't know why, but... I know he's too good for it.

A man I hardly recognize slaps me. "You know what. Erase yourself from his mind," he demands in the same deep voice.

"I can only change memories." I whisper. "I can't remove anything."

He grabs me by the throat. "I know you can remove things. I've seen it."

"I c- I can't," I stutter, his hold cutting off my airway. I struggle against his grip."I swea- swear."

"Fine." He lets go of me and I stumble to the ground. He waves his hand. "Wipe them both."

I scream and beg as two faceless people drag me away. The good man I don't know stays silent as they put in his mouth guard. They get me in my chair and...

I wake to the smell of something being cooked. I try to sit up, but I cry out, immediately reminded the injuries I sustained last night.

"You okay?" Bucky calls from the kitchen.

"Mhm," I call back in a strained voice.

I hear him sigh softly. "Alright. Just- be careful."

I nod. I know he can't hear it, but I nod. A few minutes later, he comes in with two plates of food. He helps me sit up more comfortably and hands one of the plates to me. It's... it's my favorite breakfast. "How did you-?"

"It's been your favorite since we were kids. You don't remember?"

I shake my head. "There's still... some gaps."

"Right."

We eat in silence for a few minutes. It's not awkward, but I feel like it should be.

"Are you... Do you still like guys?" he asks out of the blue.

I look down at my plate, then at the coffee table, avoiding eye contact. "...yes. Why?"

"I just... It's..." He sighs, then changes the subject. "How did you know? That- that you were- are a guy?"

"I had a lot of help. Mainly from Natasha."

"Have you had anything done?"

"Did you- did you research this last night?"

"Had a nightmare, couldn't get back to sleep." He takes a sip from his coffee and I notice the bags under his eyes. "So, have you?"

"Not yet. I have an appointment to get assessed for top surgery, though."

"Top surgery?"

I make a chopping gesture around my chest.

"Ah. Do you need any help? With all- with any appointments, or anything?"

"Um... If I do, I can let you know. Here's my number."

"Thanks."

The silence is a little more uncomfortable this time. Once we're both done eating, he wordlessly clears the plates. I close my eyes, almost falling back to sleep. He gently nudges my shoulder, startling me.

"Buck, you can't just sneak up on me like that." The nickname slips out naturally, and he doesn't say anything about it.

"Sorry, doll." That nickname elicits a feeling in me I can't explain. I decide to let it be. "Gotta make sure you don't die on me."

"Right."

A knock on the door startles both of us. Bucky's brow furrows as he goes to answer it.

"Hey, man," Sam starts, panting, "Sarah came up with the boys and then left them with me while she went to get a pedicure. Which, honestly, I don't blame her. But, uh... I am not equipped to do this on my own today."

Bucky looks at me, then back at Sam. "They gotta be careful around Y/N. Not to mention, Alpine's wanderin' around here somewhere."

"Yeah, yeah, of course. Cass, AJ, we're gonna spend some time with Bucky."

Two boys rush in, stopping in their tracks when they see me. "Uncle Bucky," one calls, "is this your boyfriend?"

His face flushes. "No, no. He's just... an old friend."

The boys turn to me. "Hi, what's your name?"

"My name's Y/N."

Once we're all properly acquainted, and Cass and AJ reach a little too far into my personal life, they wander off to play. Something about legends and a girl named Zelda.

I write in my journal while Bucky and Sam talk on the other side of the room. Every so often, one of them glances at me. They're talking just softly enough that everything they say sounds jumbled.

While I record the events of my week, a white cat comes up and curls into my lap, purring loudly. I look at the tag on her collar.

'Alpine.'

She stretches in her sleep, yawning adorably. I continue writing, her purring soothing my racing mind.

I think I could get used to this.