Random Joke Stories

Hudson Fan Club [TotK]

The Simp Defends (TotK AU)

(But before we begin...)

(This chapter is sponsored by OT Airlines: "Come on guys, bypassing all safety checks is impressive, not dangerous!")

No one's POV

"Are we there yet?"

Gayson's constant whining was irritating the group by now, but it wasn't like the cultists could leave anyone behind. 

"I told you, we get there when we get there." Panson's cold, stern usually shut Gayson up, but it seemed like that wouldn't work now. "Come on, what about you, Addi? You wanna know too! Please? Someone do the math!"

Addison sighed. "Please don't call me that dumb nickname. And for Hylia's sake-" But he was cut off by Julison, who was not taking any more of this.

"Would you just SHUT UP?!" he exclaimed. "We're close, okay?! Look! There's the Yiga Clan hideout! See?!" Julison pointed to Karusa valley.

"...thank you." Addison rolled his eyes, irritated by Gayson.

"Well..." said Gayson, "I'm sorry. I've lost sight of why we're doing this, haven't I?"

Panson glared at him. "Never forget your purpose. Though our love for President Hudson may be one-sided, we still must support him! And if he desires a Vicious Sickle, we will retrieve one!"

Everyone nodded in unison. Filled with determination once more, they pressed on through the harsh Gerudo Desert for their one true love.

(This timeskip is brought to you by OT Airlines: "If you live, please don't sue us! We're begging you!")

Gayson sighed in relief. The group had finally reached the entrance to Karusa Valley, home of the Yiga. His icy blue eyes shined with hope. "Finally, we made it! Let's go!"

"Wait!" Addison grabbed his arm, stopping him. "What are you doing?! Do you have a deathwish? If you die here, you will never see President Hudson's face ever again, and you'll be a disgrace to our cult. You'll fail without proper rest!" He pulled out the supplies and began setting up camp.

Once everyone else had gone to bed, though, Gayson got up. He couldn't sleep, not when this exciting (and maybe slightly terrifying) mission awaited!

Gayson looked over at his sleeping friends, trying to see if he would wake them easily. They had already passed out after the long day, so there was nothing to worry about...

(This timeskip is brought to you by OT Airlines: "Now hiring pilots! No experience required! Please, we're desperate. Every pilot we have dies on their first trip!")

Everyone woke up at 10:00 A.M. sharp. They also said the exact same thing in unison: "It's time to make the President proud!"

Addison quickly motioned for everyone to get up and start putting stuff away. He also noticed that Gayson seemed a little off, but didn't think much of it. "All right, Hudson fans! Who's ready?"

Everyone responded with some kind of "yes", with the most interesting ones being "uwu" and "hell yeah", but everyone seemed pretty enthusiastic. 

(This timeskip is brought to you by OT Airlines: "Our planes are really just huge wooden caskets! Also, hey, funny how we didn't say 'huge flying wooden caskets'...")

Oh Hylia. This was a Huge Fucking Mistake.

The cult had somehow made it through the Yiga Footsoldiers guarding the entrance to the Clan's hideout, realizing that they were way too weak to fight these guys. But they couldn't stop now. They had come from all the way in Akkala to here, and they weren't giving up that easily.