Falling In Love With You

Chapter - 30

Pallavan couldn't believe that Vasudha could do something like this to him. He couldn't understand why this was happening with him , everytime he opened his heart to let someone in , they ended up breaking his heart , his feelings and made him feel like an idiot. He felt the darkness around him closing in like a heavy blanket , trying to take the very breath out of him .
                                                      'She is still in contact with the guy who ran away from marrying her... Does she desire him that much ? Why did she have to do something like this ? If she only liked him from the very beginning why didn't she say that to me in the first place ? Why go to all this extent in building a life with me  , when in reality  all she desired was being with that guy...? Oh my God..! What am I going to do now ...?!'
                                                     Pallavan fell on the floor , he felt weak and powerless . His heart refused to accept the fact that Vasudha would be in an affair with someone else even when his mind screamed back at him , that it was indeed the truth . Over the days he spent with her , he had come to believe that somewhere deep down in her heart she too held some affection for him. His mind tried to reason with his heart , but his senseless heart rebelled against every logical reason that his heart came up with to make his  heart accept that his was wife indeed in love with someone else . He lay on the cold floor for how long he didn't know , his mouth had gone dry , his eyes felt sensitive to the cold air that caressed his hot skin making his body shiver at the contact . It felt as if the whole world was conspiring against him whenever he was sure to find peace in his life . Sometime later he heard the soft sounds of the chirping birds and the comforting freshness of the early morning air that filled the room .
                                              He inhaled sharply and slightly raised his head but he struggled to open his eyes , his eyelashes struck together due to the dried up tears and when he opened them forcefully it gave rise to a fresh flow of tears .
                                               The world was still asleep except for the few soft streaks of the sun rays that tried to make the world come alive again but that was not the case with Pallavan , once again in his life , Pallavan felt that everything that mattered to him was slipping right through his hands.
                                               He slowly tried to get up , but lying on the hard floor for a long time made his legs lose all its sensation. Slowly and carefully ,  Pallavan got up from the floor but as he stood up , his legs lost their balance . Clutching the bedpost as support Pallavan tried to find his balance , slowly the sensations returned to his legs and taking one step at a time Pallavan went inside the bathroom . He stripped himself of all his clothing and stood below the shower , the cold water from the shower hit him like shards of glass but he welcomed the initial sting of the cold water hitting his skin . The flow of the water tried to take some of the unknown fears that gripped his heart along with it , Pallavan rested his head against the wall behind him , he didn't know what he was going to do next . It seemed as if his mind was paralysed to even form a coherent thought .
                                               The feel of betrayal , the anger of letting himself get betrayed and to let someone deceive him , suffocated him. Slowly a thought crossed his mind , " Maybe I'm reading so much into those messages ...! What if those messages didn't mean anything like I ended up believing ? But why does she have to talk to a guy who ran away from marrying her ... ? Should I try to unlock her phone to find out what kind of relationship they really share with each other ... No I'm not gonna do that to her..."
                                              Pallavan's mind refused to listen to his heart's wishful thinking , " No ... I'm not gonna fall for this bullshit once  again in my life ... I'm not going to check someone's phone like a coward , especially when that person is my wife ... Even if she is in love with someone else she is still my wife . I'm gonna find out the truth from her , in whatever way I find appropriate.'' 
                                               Pallavan stepped out from the bathroom and changed into his track pants , he didn't bother to wear a T-shirt and sat on the edge of his bed .
                                               By now the Sun was out completely.
                                               Pallavan dried his hair with a thick towel and suddenly he heard the familiar sounds he had been hearing for the last one and a half months and he knew his wife was up and awake . He hesitated for a moment before getting up from his bed , but steeling himself to face the inevitable he walked outside . As he neared the kitchen he saw his wife dumping the food she prepared for him the night before , which was left untouched by him into the trash can. He felt bad for not eating the food she prepared for him but then again there were other matters for him to worry about other than spoiled food. He slowly walked into the kitchen and stood silently resting his hip against the counter and watched her movements from behind , without making any noise .